Monday, September 26, 2011

Subtracting Ads

Blogger has this feature called Ad Sense where bloggers can agree to have ads posted on their blogs. That way, blog readers can learn about great products and features and bloggers can earn millions of dollars. And since there is nothing wrong with my life that a million bucks can't fix, I signed up. 

I'm still about $999,998.21 shy of a million bucks.

After having Ad Sense on my blog for about 6 months, I only accrued about a buck and some change in ad revenue.


It could be because I don't have enough readers.

Or it could be that all  my readers are too cheap smart to buy things from blog ads.

It's probably because Ad Sense notes key words on your blog and posts ads that seem to be related to your topics.  Consequently, the only ads I seemed to attract were ads for Weight Watchers (who I hate) and Jillian Michaels (who I also hate).  Telling my readers how much I hate these products is not the most effective way to earn ad revenue.

Know who I love?  V-Fit

If you want to spend money to get fit, don't spend it at Weight-Fucking-Watchers or Jillian-Horseface-Michaels.  Spend it at V-Fit.  Skype workouts are available.  And really, really, hard.  And really, really effective. 

I won't earn any ad revenue, but at least I know that all of my 81 wonderful readers will have access to the best. 

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


OMG!  I am so excited!

Read THIS.


Isn't Nicki awesome???!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011


I am a blog writer, but mostly I am a blog reader.

There are some amazingly talented writers out there.  Some don't even mean to be great writers -- they just are.  Case in point:  Andi at Bitchy Pants.  Andi's writing touches your heart.

Some are writers IRL and share their talent FOR FREE on the blogosphere.  Niki at The Loaded Handbag is a writer and photographer and all-around creative renaissance woman.  (God bless you Spell Check.)  Nicki's writing touches your soul.

Some are just regular folks who like to make me laugh.  At least I think that is their goal in life.  Like Al at Penwasser Place.  The more I read Al the more I wish he lived next door.  Maybe Al would actually mow his lawn, which would be a double benefit.

The thing is, as wonderful as these blogs are, I can't always comment on them.

Not that I don't always HAVE comments on them.  I just can't do it.  Blogger won't let me.

It's probably because I am reading at home.  When I comment at work, I rarely have problems.  Not that I read blogs while I am at WORK you understand.  I don't.  Much.

As a blogger, I know how valuable comments are.  I live for comments.  When I write something  I think is funny, I check it over and over to see if someone left a comment. 

I read two great posts today.  I really need to comment, but the settings won't let me.  So I am going to comment here:

Penwasser Place
You think THOSE are man boobs?  I need to introduce you to my dad. 

The Loaded Handbag
First of all. . . .I LUV YOU NICKI!  Your summer photos make me want to pack up and move to Boston today.  I can taste the cucumbers and smell the flowers.  Summer in South Texas is like winter in Chicago.  There comes a time when you have to get inside and stay there for weeks. 

Finally, I love you a little bit more today because of the red beads with the Cat in the Hat top.  Accessories are what separates us from the lesser animals. 

So Al, Nicki, Grams, Scout, Miss Sweet Tea and all my other blogpals - - I am reading.  Please keep writing!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Dr. Phil Pissed Me Off

I don't normally care about Dr. Phil.

But he really made me mad yesterday.

I was actually kinda liking him, because my favorite fave-fave waiter-blogger, The Bitchy Waiter was on his show Monday.  That was cool.

I don't think BW got any money for his appearance.  I know they flew him to LA.  Coach. 

But yesterday?

Yesterday Dr. Phil's guests were the Anthony's. 

Remember them?  The people who didn't love their daughter well enough to teach her that she shouldn't neglect her baby?  The ones who didn't love their daughter well enough to help her be a good mom?  The ones who perjured themselves?

Remember how we weren't going to support them making millions off of the story of their horrible parenting?

Remember how we all posted on our facebook and blogs and other media how we weren't going to support that?

Dr. Phil had them on his show yesterday.  And I'm betting he gave them more than airfare on Southwest to appear.

Shame on you Dr. Phil!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Need a New Bucket

I have 3 more 5Ks to run before I finish my goal of 1 5K every month for the year.


I like 5Ks.  They are fun.  They are hard for me.  I feel like I've accomplished something when I finish one.

I don't LOVE 5Ks. 

I haven't gotten much faster since I started.  Hell -- I haven't gotten any faster. 

In 2012, I am not going to run a 5K every month.

I AM going to run Beach to Bay, because B2B is the ultimate.  I will run anything that my guys at V-Fit put on.

But 1 a month?  Nah.

Which begs the question:  what is my fitness goal next year?

Don't tell me to do a 10K, 1/2 Marathon or Marathon.  No thanks.

I do need to accomplish something though.

Something hard for me. 

Something that I have to work on all year long.

Something I can blog about.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Big Mouth

When I was 5 my neighbor Mike was being mean to me. 

In order to get back at him, I said in my sternest Olive Oyl voice:  "You. . .you. . you . . .BRUTE!"

"Shut up Big Mouth" was his reply.

My mother heard us fussing and told me to be kind to Mike.

"Shut up Big Mouth" was my reply.  (Hey -- it worked for Mike). 

Of course, I got a spanking.  A spanking I remember 40 years later.  Don't ever tell my mom to shut up.  Also, don't call her a bitch. . .but that's a story from the teen files. 

Here's the thing.  Mike was right.

I am a Big Mouth.

I have no inner filter.  If it comes in my head, I say it.

I am the person who says what everyone else is thinking but has the good sense to keep it to themselves.

When my leadership group used a cartoon of 6 kids in a spaceship as a "symbol" of our team, I pointed to the redhead & said "This is me".  I pointed to the cute black girl & said "This one is [Black friend's name]!".  Everyone else looked embarrassed.  I don't know why they were embarrassed.  [Black friend] knows she's black.  She also knows she's cute. 

I guess it wasn't polite. 

Yesterday I was at a "town hall" meeting of sorts.  The goal of the meeting was to openly discuss issues at work.  The meeting was run by the President of the College.  The President of the College is the most awesomest awesome guy in the world next to Greg A.  I love this guy like a brother.  He is an incredible friend and leader and mentor. 

He also has had a really tough year.  If you've read the newspapers at all last year, you know that FY 2010/2011 was a tough year for higher ed.  It was a horrible year, but at least we had him at the helm.  He made the hard decisions that needed to be made.  He protected the staff as much as he could.  When someone needed to take the fire, he took it.

The last thing I want to do is make his life harder.

The meeting was attended by lots of people.  All of them care about our organization.  Some of them don't like the decisions that have been made.  They haven't been shy about venting their spleens via the organization-wide e-mail system.  They have a right to make themselves heard.  Open and candid discussion is important.  I truly believe this.

I also believe that words are powerful and that the words one chooses to use have an impact.

In other words, there is a way to complain without whining.

Unfortunately, group e-mails at our organization tend to be less about constructive criticism and more about anger.

When I mentioned something along those lines in the town hall meeting, I should have chosen my words more carefully.

Or maybe I should have just kept it to myself.

I'm sorry Dr. E!  I didn't mean to open the can of worms.  I didn't mean to make things harder on you. 

I'm such a Big Mouth.

Friday, September 9, 2011

The winner is:

"Anonymous said...

Yeah...stoopid skype! hahahahaha!!! We live in a world were big brother is always watching and as it turns out, can make you work out too. The guys a VFit are kinda scarey on the occasion but danggit, I look past that cause they are so cute! I know you do too!!!! Thanks so much for being a cheerleader for everyone all the time. I read your blogs because I can relate, I get what you are talking about and I feel like you do. You just let EVERYONE thanks for everything. Now...let's go get some Mexican food...we can Skype it off later."

If you left me this comment, e-mail me here by 9/18/11 & I will get you your FREE SKYPE SESSION!

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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Time Management

I am busy.

I have a husband & 3 kids. 
I work full time (where I take occasional blog breaks.).
I am in graduate school.
I workout.
I teach CCD.

and now. . .

I am a Scout Mom.

I am a big believer in Scouting.  I think the Eagle Scout program is an incredible leadership experience and will benefit my boys for life.  I really, really, really, really want them to be Eagle Scouts.

I won't FORCE them to be Eagles.  That would be counter productive.

But I will do anything I can to help them be Eagles.

It's gonna take some time.

Sometimes, I am so busy, I feel sorry for myself. 

Oh poor me.

Then I invariably meet someone who puts my schedule to shame. 

Like Pam.

Pam (not her real name) also has boys in Scouts.  She is also working on her Ph.D, works full time, and -- get this -- she is a ROOM MOTHER.


Don't you know that the only thing keeping me from being a room mother is my BUSY SCHEDULE?

I truly appreciate room mothers.  I just don't ever want to be one.

Don't forget to enter the SKYPE-WORKOUT GIVEAWAY!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Miracle of the Internet. . .(and the coolest GOF giveaway EVER)

I was in Austin last week.

For work.

So I couldn't work out.

Or so I thought.

I thought that since I was in Austin for work, I would have to get together with my colleagues, eat rich Mexican food and order dessert.  Because it is a BUSINESS trip.  And also, I would not be able to work out.


It's important.

So when I told Gabe that I couldn't come to the gym on Monday, I had on my very saddest sad face.  Poor me.  Have to work.  With Mexican food and dessert.  (Flan.  Yum).  Or maybe Italian and tiramisu.  But it's for WORK. 

Gabe saw through my saddest sad face and said "I can Skype you".

Blink blink.


I love Skype.  It allows me to talk to my friends and family far away and Gabe knows this.  I love Skype almost as much as Facebook, and that's a lot.

Apparently Skype can also be used to schedule a one on one appointment with your trainer for anywhere in the world.

Stoopid Skype.

Then I thought -- how hard can a Skype workout be?  I won't have any weights with me.  I won't have any equipment.  A few jumping jacks and that should do it, right?

Ummmm.. . no.

We started our workout with Leg Cranks.  (24 squats, 24 lunges, 24 jump squats, 24 jump lunges).  Five sets.  Then 5 sets of walk-outs. . . I may have mentioned those before.  Lots and lots of sets of bicycle crunches.  (don't ask). 

After 30 minutes, I was just as out of breath and soaking wet as I always am after working with Gabe.  Only this time, all I had to drink was the $10 of bottled water they put in the room.

And. . .since I did a brutal and sweaty workout, when I went for my Mexican feast, I ordered carne asada tacos on corn tortillas and charro beans.  No cheese.  No enchiladas.  No flan. I looked it up on Weight-fucking-Watchers.  The whole meal was only 10 points.  I only had about 6 chips before dinner too. 

I didn't mean to make sensible food choices, I swear.

Stoopid Skype.

Here's my giveaway:

Because of stoopid Skype, you too can workout with my friends at V-Fit.  Even if you live in Pakistan!  (Hi Mariam!)

For my give away, I will give the winner one 30 minute Skype workout with V-Fit.  All you have to do is leave a comment on the blog.  Not on facebook, not on my e-mail. 

I will announce the winner next Friday (September 9, 2011).

You should totally enter. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

A Repost: Tenacity

Originally posted June 2010:

For some reason, I hate to be told I can't do something.

It's childish, really.

But it has worked to my advantage.

My mom used to tell me "not to feel bad" if I tried something & failed. "Don't feel bad if you don't get picked for the team", "Don't feel bad if you don't get asked to the dance", "Don't feel bad if you don't win the election". . . .When I tried & failed, she usually would say "You didn't want to do that anyway", or "He'll never amount to anything anyway", or "They are all stuck up."

But when I tried & succeeded, she was always excited . . . . and surprised.

Because Mom thought that fat girls couldn't do everything thin girls could do. She never said so, and I am sure she would deny it even now. My mom loves me. When I hurt, she hurt. It's not that she didn't believe in me, she was just trying to spare me pain & humiliation.

But for some reason, pain & humiliation never bothered me much. I guess I was used to it.

I knew I would never get anywhere by relying on my looks, my brains, or my connections. I'm attractive, but not beautiful; bright, but not brilliant; and I'm not exactly an A-lister.

But I'm funny. And I don't give up.

One of my favorite quotes is something I found in a sales journal years ago:

Don't Quit.

Is that what you want to do? Quit?

It takes no talent, it takes no guts.

It is exactly what your adversaries want you to do.

So get your facts straight.

Know what you are talking about.

And keep going.

I don't know who wrote it, but I have never forgotten it.

My other favorite quote is from Theodore Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

So, I don't quit.

When I was 16, I worked for Osco Drugs. It was supposed to be a great job. I made more than minimum wage, I was inside, didn't have to mop floors or serve food. But I hated that job. The management was vile. There was one little man who made it his personal mission to belittle & insult the teenagers who worked there.

I hated it so much, that I used to wish I'd get hit by a car on my way to work so I wouldn't have to go in. (psycho, right?). For some reason, I felt I couldn't quit until I worked there at least six months.

As soon as I hit six months, I quit and went to work at Showbiz Pizza Place. (It was a precursor to Chuck E. Cheese). I worked at Showbiz for about 3 years, making pizzas, mopping floors, dressing up like Billy Bob Bear for the birthday parties.

It was WAY better than working at Osco.