Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween Past

I dropped Buzz Lightyear off to school this morning.

He was enthusiastically greeted by Spiderman, Batman, about 6 princesses and a zombie. 

Really?  A Zombie?  He's 3 years old for chrissake. 

The sad thing is, I KNOW the Zombie idea was not Caden's.  It was Caden's Daddy.  Or Caden's Mommy's Boyfriend.  Whatever. 

The thing is, I was feeling sorta sorry for myself as I loaded Buzz into the car this morning.

Not sorry -- that's not the right word.  Wistful maybe? 

What do you call it when you see your kids growing and making decisions on their own and not asking or wanting your opinion?  That's the feeling I had this morning.

He's only 3.  Shouldn't I still have SOME influence on his choice of costume?

OK -- we would definitely NOT do Zombies.  Or Vampires.  We still have Veto power.

But the truth is, the choice is his. 

He gets to decide what to be.

That's kinda hard on me.

Because I miss the puppy years.

This is #2 son, not Buzz Lightyear.  But all 3 have been this puppy. 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Wish I Had a Better Solution

Georgia thinks that this will help end Childhood Obesity.

Maybe it will.

I admit that I may be a wee sensitive on this issue. 

I was a fat kid.  But unlike Bobby's Mom, my mom isn't fat.

Oddly enough, I am fat like Bobby's mom but my kids aren't fat.

There is no question that being fat increases your children's chances of being fat.

I am aware of that EVERY DAY, which is a big reason why my family is so focused on my workout and weight*fucking*watchers regimen.  

I'm all about celebrating the gifts of fat, but fat is one gift I'd rather not pass to my kids.

When I watch the above video, and I see the mom's dejected sigh, my heart breaks for her.

And then there is that charming tag line: Stop Sugar Coating it Georgia. 

Oh I get it.  Sugar.  Because fat people like Sugar.  And High Fructose Corn Syrup.  And Molasses.  mmmmmm.

When I watch that video, I don't hear Bobby's cute voice asking "Mom, why am I fat?"

I hear a mean kid saying "Hey Fatty!  Your kids are fat because you're so fat, Fatty.  So stop being so fat you big fat Fatso!"

I kinda think that's what Bobby's mom heard too.  Because she sure looks like someone hurt her.  It hurts Bobby's mom that he is fat too.  She didn't want that for him.

But she doesn't know what to do about it.

She knows he needs to be more active.  She knows he needs to get a lot more exercise.

She just doesn't know how to make that happen.

She buys healthy food, but she also has snacks in the house.  Sometimes she doesn't buy snacks.  But if there is nothing snacky in the house, she seems to drive through McDonald's a lot more.

Bobby is at school most of the day, then after care.  She picks him up at 5:30 or 6:00, which is the earliest she can get away from the office.  Her husband has started dinner, but he just got back from the office, so he makes a pan of frozen lasagna.  They eat it with a salad.  But Bobby won't eat his lettuce.  They argue, and finally he eats some of his salad. Bobby is still hungry after dinner, so they let him have another piece of lasagna.  They figure it's better than giving him dessert.  They don't always eat dessert at their house.  Weekends usually.

By the time dinner is over, dishes are washed, homework is done. . . it's dark.  Too dark to go out to play.  Plus, dad is so tired.  So he and Bobby play a couple of video games before bath and bed.

Bobby's mom knows the family needs to do SOMETHING about their health.

She knows.

And then the State of Georgia calls her son a big fat fatty and tells her that Bobby is a fatso because she is a fat ugly whale.  At least, that's what I heard.  And then they say "Oh, we don't mean to be unkind, but you are fat and so is your kid and we don't like it.  Fatso."

Hope it helps, Georgia. 

You fucking inbred rednecks.

Monday, October 24, 2011

This Halloween

I hope I see a lot of Harry Potters this Halloween.  And Cinderellas.  And Storm Troopers. 

I hope to find a Barack Obama and maybe even a Nancy Pelosi.  (Scary!)

I hope to see bumblebees and fairy princesses.  I hope to see dinosaurs and pumpkins. 

Buzz.  Woody.  Jesse. 

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.

Snow White.  Maybe a witch.  A ghost or two would be good.

I can even stand Bella, Edward & Jacob, although I am not generally a fan.

Skeletons, vampires and even a devil.

That would be a great Halloween.

So far, however, I've seen some costumes I never want to see again.

Like 8 year olds dressed as bloody zombies and Freddy Kruger.

Or 13 year olds dressed as Stripper versions of Bo-Peep.

A tween dressed as a "hippie" wearing a micro-mini skirt, thigh high stockings and high heeled go go boots.  Hippies didn't dress like that.  I looked it up.

I am sick of Sexy Nurse costumes, sexy maid costumes, sexy anything.  Tired of bloody, violent, angry monsters and other nightmares. 

To me, those are costumes for grownups.

Not for kids who are barely in high school. 

Or younger.

Happy Halloween 

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Like a Virgin

If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I work out at V-Fit Studio.  You know that Gabe "The Silent Assassin" is my primary trainer and the studio is owned by Victor.

Handsome Victor.  Dreamy Victor. Victor the Giver

Vic the Basterd. 

Last week, Gabe wasn't feeling well, so I did my workout with Vic.  Vic, true to form, came up with a deceptively simple workout, then made me do 10 sets.  With suicides in between.  TEN sets.

Gabe only makes me do 5.

What the hell, it was only for a day.  Besides, Victor is funny, and he flirts, and he laughs at all my jokes.  It didn't hurt that bad. 

Then on Tuesday, Gabe is still not in, so Victor helps me again.  He gives me 10 lb weights and tells me what to do. 

I say "Actually, Gabe has me use 12 lbs on this one".

Victor smiles and says "trust me".

Uh oh.

Victor has an interesting new regimen. 

Low weight, high reps, no rest, many many many sets.

Many many MANY sets.

And no rest in between.


My arms are sore.  Not the pang of muscles pushed hard for a long time.  Not the sore that I get after Gabe puts me through my paces. 

My arms are sore as in I-have-never-worked-out-my-whole-life-and-I-think-I-overdid-it-my-first-time sore.  My muscles burned so much you could have lit a cigar with my shoulder. 

Haven't I been working out for OVER A YEAR?

Haven't I been doing things I could NEVER do before?  Like push ups from my toes, dips, walkouts and don't forget the Around-the-Fucking-Worlds.  Haven't I participated in TWELVE 5Ks?  Didn't I just WIN the CHALLENGE??????????????

Apparently, all that is behind me.

It would be OK if it was just for a day or two, while Gabe is out.

Apparently, Gabe is going to open the new facility on the Island.

Gabe got promoted.


I mean, good for Gabe!  He deserves it!

So I get Victor.  Dreamy, Handsome, Sadistic Victor.

And I'm starting all over again.

Vic. And Gabe.  I know they are good looking, but DAMMIT!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Put the FUN back in Fundraising!

Who wants Popcorn?  Wrapping Paper?  Scentsy candles?  Bar-B-Q?  Car Wash? 

How about children's books?  School photos?  Pie?  Cookie Dough?

Christmas Ornaments?  Waffles?  Jewelry?

Cookbooks? Candy? Coupon Books?

Raffle tickets?  Magazines?  Donuts?  Tupperware?

Fundraising season is upon us.

I am not opposed to fundraising.  I sit on several boards and I see budgets.  I know that the funds being raised are needed.  It's frustrating, because costs are so high.  We pay a lot of money for our older kids to go to Catholic School.  We pay a lot of money for #3 son to attend a decent daycare.  We also want to participate in Scouts, Karate, Soccer and other fun activities. 

The fact is, if these organizations charged what it cost to run the operation, most people couldn't afford it. 

We already had to cut music lessons and school lunches for our kids.  We just can't afford it any more.

I was going to make this a witty post about selling schmaltzy stuff.

But then I realized how much the organizations that I count on need the money.

Now I'm depressed.

Wonder if it's too late to buy more popcorn.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Lustful Dreams

Zap again.  And drool.
But the platforms in my price range all look like stripper shoes.

shoe carnival
also shoe carnival.

Anyone know where I can find cute, non-slutty platforms for less than $75?


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Envelope Please. . .

As you may know, I recently competed in a friendly competition with some other community leaders to help bring about increased fitness awareness in our community.

Friendly my ass.  I wanted to win.

It was tough.

For one thing, Victor and Gabe are sadistic basterds who think up exercises like around the world and make me do things like dips.  I love those sadistic basterds, but still.  Dips. 

For another, my competitors included people like Tony.  And Mary.  And Robert.  And Kirby. And Megan.

It was tough.

My partner was Julia.  Julia is a dark haired beauty who works with children.  She is gentle and kind.  She is friendly and smiling.  Fortunately, she is also focused and unstoppable. 

Julia jogged to the bootcamp, worked out as hard as she could, then jogged back home.  Julia worked out 6 or 7 days a week, and then in her spare time played kickball.  Julia was the best partner ever.

At the end of the challenge, I lost 14 lbs, a  percentage of body fat and several inches off my waist, hips, thighs, arms and most of all -- boobs.  At the end of the challenge, Julia had arms like Michelle Obama's. 

Between the two of us, we lost 30lbs, 17inches & 6.9% body fat.  Overall the V Fit Challenge Teams lost 84 lbs, 66 inches and an average of 6.7% Body Fat.

This is one contest where everyone who finishes is a winner. 

I'm not being trite -- I mean it.  I didn't take top prize last year, but participating in the 2010 challenge was one of the highlights of my year.  It started me on a path I never expected to follow.  It made me strong and healthy and gained me lots of friends.

So I am not lying when I say that Tony emerged a winner just for competing.  And Mary.  And Robert. And Kirby.  And Megan. And everyone else that participated.  All of them are winners.

As for me & Julia, we both felt it was an honor just to compete.

Vic announced the winners on October 8th. 

Drumroll please. . . . . .

Kirby, Julia, Caitlin & me.  It was a 70's workout.  Shaddap.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011



I love writing this blog and I love that so many people read and comment on it.  So cool.

Ideally, I would blog 3-4 times a week.

Lately, I got nuthin'.


Nothing inspiring, nothing bitchy, nothing tacky and worst of all -- nothing funny.

I hate that. 

Ah well.  I'll try again tomorrow.

In the meantime, if you have an idea for me to blog about, feel free to post your idea.  I need a creative nudge!