Saturday, March 31, 2012


Dear Ladies --

Isn't it cool that this bathroom is so High Tech?

Isn't it awesome that you don't have to touch anything?

Were you born in a fucking BARN?

I've covered modern bathroom etiquette before.

Frankly, I am surprised that you have to be told.  This is the kind of thing we moms usually cover with our kids.  Since this building rarely has children in it, I KNOW these issues are not the result of poorly supervised toddlers. 

I might even excuse men.  Because men are. . .well, they're men.  They SHOULD know better, but sometimes they are just clueless.  (Sorry to my men friends.  But you know it's true.)

These problems are not the result children.  It's not a man's fault.  I can't believe it, but these problems are caused by GROWN WOMEN.

Lesson 1:

It's great that the soap dispenses automatically.  You need to wait for the WHOLE squirt.  Don't let it squirt all over the counter without wiping it up.  You know better.

Lesson 2:

Paper Towels.  Yes, they self dispense.  But they do NOT throw themselves away.  If you accidentally drop it, PICK IT UP and throw it in the bin.

I get that sometimes the bin is full.  (I work in this building.  The bin is rarely full.)  If the bin IS full, push down a little so your towel stays.  If that's too gross for you, TAKE THE TOWEL WITH you and throw it away in another bin. 


Self flushing toilets are cool.  They are also sporadic.


I don't care to see your . . . um. . .leavings when I use the facilities.  Especially during your "special time".  GROSS.

Do I really have to tell you this? 

Yes, we have a custodian. 

Allow me to share with you the custodian's responsibility.  She is accountable for ensuring the facility is sanitary and well stocked.  She also cares for the REST OF THE BUILDING, not just this room.  She works PART TIME.  She does a great job, but she is not a nanny.  It's not her job to wipe your ass for you.  She counts on the adult, educated women who use this facility to have some respect for others who use it.

Let's review:

1. Wipe up your drips
2. Throw your trash away
3. And for God's sake -- flush the toilet.

Any questions?

Friday, March 23, 2012


Tomorrow the guys at V-Fit are hosting a ZUMBATHON!


I LOVE Zumba.

It's exercise, sure, but it's really dancing.

When I hear the sultry Latin beats I swing my hips like Shakira.  I cumbia like Selena.  I salsa like Gloria Estefan. 

I feel like one of Christina Aguilera's backup dancers.


I wish I had this outfit. . .

Monday, March 19, 2012

Another Gift of Fat - Snuggly Arms

Repost -- because we're going thru it again.  Same kid, same symptoms.  Originally published 12/22/10

Number 2 son woke up last night with a fever & sore throat.

I am sure there are moms who dose the kid with Tylenol, give him a kiss on the forehead and go back to sleep. It's only a fever. Fevers are good -- they build the immune system and fight invaders. In an otherwise healthy kid, they are nothing to worry about. But I am a worrier.

After the Tylenol and the kiss, he says "Will you sleep with me Mama?" Of course I will sleep with you, baby.

I don't care that there isn't room for me and that I won't be able to fall asleep. I will lay there, listening to his ragged breathing through his congested nose and worry that the fever is the first sign of Meningitis. I will worry about whether his shots are up to date (they are) and wonder how contagious he is. I will worry about his brothers and wonder if they are incubating fevers of their own.

And he will reach over to me and slip his hot little hand under the sleeve of my nightgown so he can snuggle my arms. The arms that keep me from going sleeveless. After working out for six months, they are strong now, and the muscles are hard beneath the jiggly layer of fat. But it's the jiggly part that he needs to make him feel better when he's sick.

And for once, I am grateful for snuggly arms. 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Guilt For Elephants

Last year, I read Water for Elephants.

It was a good read.

But I felt a tad guilty when we came upon a small itinerant circus and I paid money to allow my family to ride these magnificent beasts.

Luke & Joe on an elephant

Greg & Paul on a camel. 

It was just a story right?  These animals are properly cared for, right?  The $24 we spent to ride them is going towards their welfare, right?  Camel poop is supposed to look like giant rabbit poop right?  Not like elephant poop which looks like giant horse poop, right? 

Does this make me a good mom but a bad steward of beasts of burden?  Or am I a horrible mom for allowing my children to exploit animals? Guilty guilty guilty guilty.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I Caved

I did a field trip.

Because we were climbing the fucking walls.

So we went to The Birthplace of Texas - Goliad, Texas.  Google it.  You really should make a trip out there.  It is very cool!  Alamo Schmalamo.  Goliad is Texas history at it's best.

As always, if there is a cannon, it WILL be climbed on

Texas Wildflowers are AMAZING!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Spring Broken

I'm having writers block again, so I am just going to tell you about my spring break so far.  I work at a college, which means that I get a week off for spring break! 

I LOVE having a week off for spring break! 

Today I slept until 9, ate a bagel in front of the TV, and played Angry Birds with the boys.
I'm wearing a really old sweatshirt, shorts and chanclas (flip flops).  I have no makeup on, my hair is in a chongo (ponytail) and my glasses are on.  I should go to Wal-Mart so someone can surreptitiously snap a photo of me on their phone and post it to facebook with the caption "Seriously?".

Spring break is great.

Of course the kids have spring break too.

Some moms take advantage of Spring Break to take their kiddos on exciting field trips to explore their environment. 

Not me!

I spend spring break catching up on facebook and doing laundry.  And watching TV.  We're watching a lot of cartoons. A LOT of cartoons. And Nick. And Cartoon Network. And Disney Channel.

In case you were wondering, the New Scooby Doo sucks as bad as you think it would.  But Good Luck Charlie and Shake It Up are really good.  Fairly Odd Parents is horrible, but Phineas & Ferb is awesome.  Johnny Test reeks, but Regular Show is fresh and funny.  Star Wars the Clone Wars is dreadful (even though Luke loves it), but Adventure Time is charming.

At this rate, by the time Spring Break is over, we will be a house full of neanderthals.

Then we'll go to Wal-Mart!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


Why is it that you take a week off and everything goes right to hell?

I don't mean a week off from work.  I worked all week.  Mostly in San Antonio, sure, but I still managed to get most of my e-mails.

I didn't take a week off from school.  I wish.

I didn't take a week off from my kids.  I wouldn't want that. 

I had to take a week off from working out.

I HAD to.

I was in San Antonio Wednesday thru Friday, For WORK.

I know I should have Skyped.  Shaddap.

Then Saturday was Luke's birthday. 

Sunday I had to do something really important.  I forget what it was but I know it was important.

Monday Joe had an eye appointment, I had to meet with my professor, and I had LOADS of laundry to do.

Tuesday I had to give a presentation about Burroughs Wellcome's pricing of Retrovir in the 1990s. 

That pretty much sucked the life right out of me.

So today -- Wednesday -- I went back to the gym.

I actually tried to get out of it.  Clarissa is out of town, so I wasn't sure if Vic could take me. 

He's a busy man.

So I texted him:  "Can I come in today or would you rather me come tomorrow?"

He texted back:  "Get your ass in here."

Guess he's not too busy for me, bless him.

In typical Vic fashion, he made me do owie this and hurty that until I was sweaty and red and panting. 

I had to do explosive push ups.  Lots of them. 

Explosive push ups are when you push your whole body off the floor from a push up position.  Then you have to catch your body when you land.  My whole body weighs in the neighborhood of 244 -248 lbs.  (Shaddap).  That's a lot of exploding.

I had to do jumping jacks.

Only my knees are old lady knees, so I have to do low impact jumping jacks. 

Low impact does not mean low intensity.


Anyway. . .here's the problem:  The jumping jacks are in front of a mirror.  Sometimes the mirror is my friend.  It shows me how strong I've become. 

Know what the mirror shows when you take a week off?


Jiggly arms. Jiggly belly. Jiggly thighs. The fat pockets under my knees were jiggling.


Haven't I been mostly faithfully working out 4-6 times a week for a YEAR?

One piddly week off and my friggin knees jiggle?


Vic just texted me again:  "I expect you at 5:30 tomorrow.  No excuses".


Saturday, March 3, 2012


This kid is 7.

Happy Birthday Lukie Kabuki!

I love you boyo!