I Hate Wings

This post is for girls.

All the boys should go outside and play kickball with the Social Studies teacher. 

Are they gone?  Good.

I have "been a woman" since I was 11.

That means that Aunt Flo has been coming to my house every month for 33 years.  Well - 30, if you don't count the 3 times I was expecting.  And, I probably shouldn't count those.

30 years then.  30 years times 12 months equals 360 months.  I probably have about 10 more years to go before menopause.  That's another 120 months.  Considering the average cost of monthly products, I will have spent approximately $3,800.00 on Kotex before I am done.

Kotex, please, for $3,800 --  enough with the wings already.

I know they are supposed to keep your undies pristine.  What kind of undies do most of us wear during this special time, anyway?  Old granny panties.  With holes in them.  I could care less about pristine.  And after 3 C-Sections, pristine isn't happening for me anymore anyway. 

These friggin' wings are driving me nuts.  They don't stick where they are supposed to, they climb back up into the, uh, main compartment and get all tangled.  At least mine do. 

They actually have pads to wear with thongs.  Wow.  I have been known to wear thongs with certain outfits.  I can't even imagine wearing one during fright week.

I know that we've come a long way since the dark ages when women had to wear belts to keep their products in place.  That?  Would totally suck.

I know some of my post menopausal friends want to tell me to be grateful for this special time.  That it's nothing compared to menopause.  Well DON'T.  Irritibility is a common symptom. It says so right on the box of Pamprin.  I don't want to hear it.

I can't wait for menopause.  I know, I know. . hot flashes. I get 'em alreddy.  Night sweats.  Got 'em.  Panic attacks. Got 'em.  Increased facial hair.  Yep.  The only thing I don't have about menopause is the break from the curse.

I mean a break longer than 9 months.