Dear Moms At Daycare

Dear Moms at my son's daycare:

Hi!  I don't know if we've had a chance to meet, but I'm Paul's mom.  No, not his grandma.  I'm his mom.

I'm the mom without the tattoos. 

First let me say -- your kid is a cutie.  Paul really likes his friends.  He was so happy to make valentines for each and every one of them.  Also, he truly appreciated all the heart-shaped suckers, the dum-dums, and of course, the Hershey kisses.

The thing is. . . you forgot the conversation hearts.

I know you may be new at the whole Valentine's Day thing.  Paul is my third child, so we've done Valentine's for a long time.  I make sure to explain to my boys that Valentine's day is named for St. Valentine.  I explain that he was a martyr, who died for Christ.  We talk a lot about that as I go through the bags of Valentine's candy that they bring home from school.  Valentine's day is actually about Jesus, and not about romantic love or candy.

Their dad emphasizes the point by waiting until the last minute to buy me a valentine gift.  This year, it was a potted plant.  I am pretty sure it was the last one at the store.  So we talked about Christ's love, and how God loves every living thing, even really, really hideous potted plants that cost three times what they normally would have, on account of being purchased at the very last second.

It's a teachable moment.

Anyway, as I was setting aside the dum-dums and heart shaped suckers for the boys, and confiscating all the Hershey's kisses (they are a choking hazard), I noticed that you forgot the conversation hearts.

I am sure it was a mistake. 

As you know, conversation hearts are a once-in-a-year candy, like candy canes, candy corn and of course cadbury cream eggs.  It's important that they be included in every Valentine's celebration. 

Plus, they have words on them, which is another teachable moment.

When else is my child going to read the word "hubba-hubba"?

You may ask why I didn't supply the hearts this year.  That's a fair question, but remember that I am the mom who occasionally remembers to bring the napkins for the Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Years-Martin Luther King day parties. 

Normally, I would let it go, but I haven't had a can of pop in almost two weeks.  I almost took up smoking as a substitute, but the cost of cigarettes is crazy.  I need those fucking hearts.

So listen:  St. Patricks Day is in a month.  The kids are having a party.  Put together some goodie bags with green jolly ranchers, chocolate coins and  a king size box of sugar babies.  We'll call it even.

Love,

Paul's Mom

Busted

#3 Sneaking Candy.  Just like his mom. 

Yummy Christmas Yumminess

Tamales.  Pan de Polvo.  See's Chocolates.  Popcorn balls.  Chips with queso.  Cookies.  Ten flavors of popcorn (ever hear of cinnamon popcorn?  It's incredible.)  Cheesecake.  Pie.  Peppermint Mochas.  Plastic Candy Canes filled with M&M's and Reeses cups.  Chewy candy stuffed in the kid's stockings.  Pita chips and that yummy spreadable chesse.  Summer sausage.  Mixed nuts.  Chex Mix.  Pigs in a blanket.  And Candy Canes.

It's amazing we're not all size 24s. 

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Halloween Aftermath. . . .

I make it a point to always buy Halloween candy that I don't particularly care for so that I won't eat it all by October 27th and then have to buy another bag on the 28th.  And on the 29th.  And the 30th. 

This year, it was Smartees.  I like Smartees.  But after one pack of Smartees, I've had enough.  For the year.  Really looking forward to next year so I can have another pack of Smartees. That's what you call that little cellophane sleeve with the twisted ends, right?  A Pack?  Anyway -- one is enough.

I must say that I was a little disappointed in my neighborhood. 

Everyone bought Reeses.  And Snickers.  And Milkyways.  And Tootsie Rolls.  And M&Ms.

Come ON people -- you can eat those any time. 

I want DOTS.  And Peanut Butter Taffy.  And Candy Corn.  And those jawbreaker balls.  And the really sour Jolly Rancher sticks.  (Or the really hot cinnamon ones!).  And that gross caramel with the white chalky centers.  I want HALLOWEEN candy.  

Thankfully, my friend Kathy (the one who left me in her gritty dust on Saturday) takes her kids tricker-treating for about 6 hours.  They get TONS of candy.  And they don't like most of it.  So she brings it to work. 

In the meantime, all we got left at my house is Smartees. 

Thank God for Kathy.