Playground Justice

I took my boys to the mall playground yesterday.

They love that stupid place.

For one thing, it's inside.  For another, it's got a cookie store and a candy store right around the corner. 

The area is really designed for littles 5 & under.  I figured we were OK because #2 is 6 and #3 is almost 4.  (#1 is on a camping trip with his dad). 

I warned the kids that they had to be careful of little kids.  I reminded them that I would be watching.

Then I watched. 

I watched them jump.  I watched them run.  I watched them climb. 

I watched the other kids too.  For some reason, every boy in there was named Luke & every girl was Nevaeh. (Plus Paul.)


I know that because every time I told Luke to be careful, six or seven little boys looked at me for a minute before determining that I was not admonishing them. 

Also, one mom spent her time between sucking on her grande moacchino, checking her iPhone and occasionally screeching "Nevaeh!  Stop it!  Nevaeh.  Niv-E-YAH!" 

All the other Nevaehs looked up, while the targeted Nevaeh continued to pound on the fish tank or pull on some Luke's hoodie or climb on the potted plants.

She was a little hyper.  Whaddya gonna do?  Kids are hyper.

I try not to be Judgy McJudgermom.  I try SO HARD.

Because my kids aren't perfect. 

But the more I watched Nevaeh, the judgier I got. 

She was wearing a spaghetti strap top.  It's Texas, and pretty warm here, but not spaghetti-strap top warm.  Yes, my son was in shorts, but that's completely different.   Nevaeh is starting to develop, and spaghetti strap tops are not her friend.

She was mean to the other kids.  Not just pushy - she was mean.  She frequently pushed her way to the front of the slide line, and knocked kids out of the way at the fish tank.  She stuck her tongue out at one of the Lukes. 

Every now & then, she ran to her mother to get a pull off the grande moacchino. 

I wouldn't have been surprised to see her mother give her a drag off a cigarette.

I noticed another mom eyeing Nevaeh as well.  Every time Nevaeh did something obnoxious, other mom & I would exchange eye rolls. 

Finally, Nevaeh pushed Paul. 

PUSHED him.

As he tearfully came to me for comfort, I looked at Nevaeh's mom to see if she noticed.  She was too involved in her pinterest account to notice that her kid was being a bully.

I hugged and consoled Paul and looked for Luke.  It was time to go. 

Luke -- my Luke, not the other Lukes -- was chasing Nevaeh. 

"Hey!" he yelled "Hey!  You PUSHED my brother!".  He maneuvered himself in front of her and forced her to acknowledge him. 

"You PUSHED him" Luke reiterated.

"Sorry" said Nevaeh.

"You need to tell him," insisted Luke, and he steered Nevaeh over to us.

"Sorry," said Nevaeh to Paul.  She patted him on the shoulder and then tore off to do more terror.

I didn't say anything to Nevaeh or to her mother.  Nothing I said was going to make any difference, and I am pretty sure that had I said something, I would have gotten a very aggressive retort.  I didn't need to get into a mom-brawl in front of my kids.

I figured Luke did a pretty good job of handling it. 

Playground Justice was served.

Nice Names that I Can't Stand

If you are sensitive about names, don't read this.  Because I am probably going to insult you.  I am not trying to be insulting.  I am simply making an observation from my own perspective. 

Please don't e-mail me or facebook me.  Because I warned you ahead of time. 

I met a child named Brooklynne.

Not Brooklyn.  Not Brooke Lynn.  Brooklynn.

Pretty much hate that name.  She is a sweet girl though.

In all fairness, if you didn't name your child after a saint -- and I mean a common saint, not Saint Felix or anything -- then I probably don't like your kid's name.

I like your kid (probably).  Just not the name.

I think I am a name-Nazi because my mother has an unusual name.  Her name is Aurelia, but everyone calls her Pucky.  Like hockey-pucky.  Don't ask.  But it tells you why my brothers & sister & I all have very plain Catholic names. 

I just managed to blame my rudeness on my mom, didn't I?

Ooops.  Sorry Mom!

I like names with meaning.  If you named your kid Britnee because it was your great-aunt's name, I will think that's an awesome name.  If you named your kid Britnee because you just like the name, and because you want an "unusual" spelling, then I hate the name. 

Spelling is important. 

I once met a woman whose name is Adarin.  She was my customer.  I went to the lobby and called out "ADARIN!".  She said "It's pronounced ADRIAN".  Really? Because it's spelled ADARIN.  I had a customer named Jorge who insisted his name was George.  (OK that one I sorta get.  But don't get in my face just because I called you Hore-Hey.  That's how Jorge is pronounced.  Jeesh.)

I laugh when people say things like "We really wanted something unusual".

I always recommend Ralph or Karen.  You don't see many Ralphs or Karens born these days, do you?  Unusual!

Below please find a list of names that I am not liking right now (in no particular order).  Please note, at least half of these names can be found in my kiddo's classes.

Hayden
Jayden
Hayleigh
Peyton
Madison. . .Madysyn is even worse. 

I always ask the parent if they named their child after the President or the city.  They almost always say something like "There's a city called Madison?".  Ummm, yeah.  It's the CAPITAL of WISCONSIN. 

If the parent ever says "The city.  We met while at UW" (which I have yet to hear), then Madison is the BEST name EVAH!  Go Badgers!

Jett  (I love John Travolta.  But Jett?  no.)
Ham (Biblical name.  Good name.  If Ham is a rabbi, then I am fine with this name.)
Dalylah  (I really hate this one.  It's pronounced Delilah.  Delilah is a perfectly nice name.  Why do you have to wonk up the spelling????)
Camden  (Orioles Fan?)
Colby (you know that's a cheese, right?  It was invented in COLBY, WISCONSIN)
Jordan or Jordyn  (On this one I ask if the child is named after the river or the greatest athlete who has ever lived.  Again, if I like the answer, I like the name.)

Hunter
Xoe (Zoe is fine.  Xoe is stupid)
Xander (stupider than Xoe even)
Brandon, Brenden or Brayden
Liam
Harper
Addyson
Garen
Gadden
Tawny (that's a stripper name)
Octavian (There is a sweet little blond kid in #3 Son's class named Octavian.  Love the kid, hate the name)
Tatyana
Gareth

and

Britnee.

Feel free to add your own list of yucky names!


.