Another Stupid Article About Why We're All So Fat. . .

A friend sent me this article by Zinczenko & Goulding on the habits that make people fat.  Kinda like it.  Kinda hate it.  Mostly hate it.

Habits 1-4 are pretty standard.  Nothing too controversial.  Get enough sleep, don't eat the free chips at Mexican restaurants. 

I was excited to see that habit  # 5 - Drinking pop -- even diet pop -- is a fat-producing habit.  O.M.G.  This is so me I can't even believe it.  I have said this for ages.   I drink WAY too much pop.  I drink pop like my mom smokes cigarettes.  It's definitely a bad habit!

Habits 6,7,8. . .yada yada yada.

But then we get to habit 9 - Ordering Combo Meals.  This is the Happy Meal Debate all over again.  Ordering combo meals does not make you fat.  Eating combo meals makes you fat.  There is a difference.

Habit 10 - Facing the buffet.  Sigh.  Look -- I know that most buffets are filled with fat people.   But most fat people DO NOT GO TO BUFFETS.  Seriously.  We don't. You are beginning to piss me off.

Habits 11-15.  Nothing notable.

Then we get to Habit 16.

Having fat friends makes you fat.  

Wait -- WHAT?

So. . . my friend is fat because I am fat?  Or I am fat because she is fat?  What if she was fat when I met her?  Is it our other friend's fault?  WHAT?

Zinczenko & Goulding suggest "Rather than ditch a friend who starts to put on a few extra pounds though, suggest healthy activities that you can do together, and avoid letting him or her dictate the meal (“Let’s split the cheesecake!”) 

Nothing says "I'm your friend!" like judging someones eating.

What, exactly is "dictating the meal"?  "Hmmmmm. . .gee Michelle, I know you wanted the Buddha's Feast, but get the Kung Pao Chicken instead, OK?  I'll be your best friend!"

I notice that in order to give credence to this premise, they quote research in the New England Journal of Medicine.  Prestigious.  I went to the New England Journal of Medicine to read the research for myself. 

I found a synopsis of an article that I think they're using as data.  The NEJoM synopsis does not list friends as a contributing factor, but the full text might.  The full text of the article costs $15.  I didn't buy it since $15 is roughly the cost of 12 Coke Zeros (which are keeping me fat, damn them!).  If Zinczenko & Goulding used a different piece to justify their claim, I hope they will let me know.

I took stats last semester.  Zinczenko & Goulding claim that having fat friends "ups your chance of obesity by 57 percent."   If you look at the data in the NEJoM article, however, "other lifestyle factors associated with weight gain" are P<0.001.  That is a very very small number.  So my question is, 57% of what? 

Could Zinczenko & Goulding be using the NEJoM's prestigious data to shock, amaze or enrage their readers?  Look, I get it.  You sell diet books and you want to sell more of them.  By hurting and insulting fat people with your prestigious "research", you might be able to sell a few more. 

Yawn.

Graduation?

I recently received this e-mail:

Hi K5 parents,
 Our babies are about to graduate out of kinder!!! Can you believe it??? I was just wondering if anyone knows if we can or if you all are interested in having them wear cap & gown for the awards ceremony?? i think [the public school] does it & i dont think [our school] has ever done it, but if we provide it for our child, i wonder if they will let us???? is anyone else interested?

Am I interested?   No.  Hell no. 

I know this mom is excited (many punctuation marks!!!).  Pesonally,  I would rather sit through a timeshare presentation than endure a kindergarten graduation.

That's just me, though.  (Me & my husband, actually)  I don't want to be unkind or intolerant.  I hope the reply I sent wasn't hurtful.  I didn't use CAPS or excessive punctuation or swear words.  I responded:

"Sorry to be un-fun guys, but L____ is not going to wear a cap & gown for Kinder.  It’s not something I can get behind."

I understand being excited for your little one.  They are babies.  They are cute.  They are precious.  I get that.  I also understand not everyone agrees with me that graduations are for High School and above. 

I have high expectations for my boys.  I expect them to finish Kindergarten much in the same way I expect them to brush their teeth before bed.  Frankly, I also expect them to finish high school and college.  I am not going to throw a party for him just because he was promoted to first grade.

Know when I throw a big party??

When my son becomes an Altar Server.  When he makes Eagle Scout.  When he finishes Boot Camp.  When he finishes the Seminary.  When he receives his doctorate.  I celebrate my sons' achievements, not their milestones. 

It's not to say that on the last day of Kinder that I won't take him to McDonald's.  (To get a Happy Meal and a toy!  Take that Leroy G. Comrie!)  We will have a nice family dinner after First Holy Eucharist and I am not opposed to throwing a birthday party every five years or so.  But a graduation ceremony for Kindergarten?

Hell no.