That today is http://www.giftoffat.com's/ birthday!
To celebrate, I will eat a cupcake and let someone take a photo of me smashing it in my face.
I originally concieved of The Gift of Fat as a book. A New York Times Bestselling book.
My book will explore a fat girl's life. (yeah -- that's never been done before. *snort*).
I have been fat all of my life. A lot of people think that they are fat. In many cases, it's more of a self-perception than a concrete reality. Not that the fat feelings are any less significant, it's just that . . .well, it's different. In my case, everyone else knew I was fat too. How. . . .validating.
My book will be original because I will explain how I came to realize -- in my 30's -- that while being fat really really sucks, there are gifts associated with being fat. No one ever talks about the gifts.
Gifts like devloping a quick sense of humor. Developing a strong sense of justice. A powerful work ethic and a thirst to prove that I can do anything a thin person can do. Gifts like realizing that I stand out -- and if I wasn't fat, I would look just like everybody else. Friendships. Experiences. Revelations. Advocacy. The book will cover all of those things.
I started the blog to begin chapters of my book. I thought I could just tie up all the blog posts in a shiny package and sell it to Penguin Books, who would publish it with great fanfare and retail it at $29.99 hardcover, $9.99 on Kindle.
Turns out, the blog is not the book.
Not that there won't be a book. There will be. I think. The blog serves different, but important purposes.
I am a sucker for being the center of attention, and I love to make people laugh. Much of this blog has been trying to make you laugh, which guarantees me a spot in the center of attention for a few minutes.
The blog is also about my journey. My journey into fitness. . .and my newfound passion for working out. I never expected to love excercise. In fact, did I just write that I love excercise? WTF?
I don't consider myself a "mommy-blogger", but I am a mom. . . so I write about it.
I never expected the blog to be relational. Who knew you could make friends with people you've never met? Turns out -- I have made cyber friends. Nikki, Lex, Andi, Annabelle, plus my wonderful commenters (Hi Diane!).
Mostly, the blog helps me find my "voice". Writing the blog has been a great experience. I plan to continue.
For at least another year.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Scared Grasshopper
Remember when I started working out with Vic and I got kinda cocky and I'm all "I am going to run a 5K every month for a year!" ?
And I have *cough* "run" one 5 K a month since October 2010.
It's been great! I've had lots of fun, got lots of T-Shirts and have beat my best more than once.
This month is different.
This month is the 36th Annual Beach to Bay relay marathon.
I heard you gasp. Don't worry -- It's a RELAY marathon. I am not going to run it by myself.
And that's what scares me to DEATH.
I am running with five other people. Five awesome people. Our team is called Victor's Grasshoppers. Isn't that a stooopid name? I couldn't think of any other names. I just kinda think of Victor as Master Po -- only not blind. And we are like David Carradine. . .without the auto-erotic asphyxiation. We're going to wear vivid green shirts. And pink skorts. Well, I am wearing a pink skort. Don't know about the other guys.
I'm running the shortest. . .I mean first leg.
Fear #1: Five other, awesome people are going to have to make up time for me.
It is the largest relay marathon in the US. NO OTHER PLACE in our country has a marathon relay this big.
Fear #2: What if I am SO SLOW that my relay partner gives up and goes home?
It's so big, we have to take a shuttle to the race.
Fear #3: What if I am so slow I miss the shuttle back home?
I am "running" the beach leg.
Fear #4: What if I am so slow that the Sexy Seniors running club kicks sand in my face as they pass me?
The beach leg is short, but it's on sand. So it's challenging.
Fear #5: What if I am SO SLOW that the race is over by the time I pass the baton?
This Saturday, if you see a sweaty, sandy, slow, scared runner wearing a green T-Shirt and a pink skort -- that will be me.
And I have *cough* "run" one 5 K a month since October 2010.
It's been great! I've had lots of fun, got lots of T-Shirts and have beat my best more than once.
This month is different.
This month is the 36th Annual Beach to Bay relay marathon.
I heard you gasp. Don't worry -- It's a RELAY marathon. I am not going to run it by myself.
And that's what scares me to DEATH.
I am running with five other people. Five awesome people. Our team is called Victor's Grasshoppers. Isn't that a stooopid name? I couldn't think of any other names. I just kinda think of Victor as Master Po -- only not blind. And we are like David Carradine. . .without the auto-erotic asphyxiation. We're going to wear vivid green shirts. And pink skorts. Well, I am wearing a pink skort. Don't know about the other guys.
I'm running the shortest. . .I mean first leg.
Fear #1: Five other, awesome people are going to have to make up time for me.
It is the largest relay marathon in the US. NO OTHER PLACE in our country has a marathon relay this big.
Fear #2: What if I am SO SLOW that my relay partner gives up and goes home?
It's so big, we have to take a shuttle to the race.
Fear #3: What if I am so slow I miss the shuttle back home?
I am "running" the beach leg.
Fear #4: What if I am so slow that the Sexy Seniors running club kicks sand in my face as they pass me?
The beach leg is short, but it's on sand. So it's challenging.
Fear #5: What if I am SO SLOW that the race is over by the time I pass the baton?
This Saturday, if you see a sweaty, sandy, slow, scared runner wearing a green T-Shirt and a pink skort -- that will be me.
OMG This is so sad!
Remember the other day, when I posted about Olivia?
THIS is what I was worried about.
http://www.caller.com/news/2011/may/15/swimmer-still-missing-in-the-gulf/
I am so sorry for the boy and his family.
And even more worried about my sweet water baby.
THIS is what I was worried about.
http://www.caller.com/news/2011/may/15/swimmer-still-missing-in-the-gulf/
I am so sorry for the boy and his family.
And even more worried about my sweet water baby.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Re-Post - Not all Fat Girls are Self Loathing Hoarders
Having bloggers block, so I thought I'd re-post an oldie titled Not All Fat Girls are Self Loathing Hoarders:
Yes Jillian Michaels, I am talking to YOU.
I've seen the previews for your new show.
I watched your intense kohl-lined eyes framed by perfectly tousled tresses stare into the pink, sweaty & makeup-free face of your "client". Whatever. I look just like that girl when I work out except I don't cry like an idiot. When I work out (2 miles yesterday thankyouverymuch!), my hair is back in a chongo (which is South Texican for ponytail. Awesome word, right??), I'm wearing glasses instead of contacts, and my face is bright red.
I watched the blonde, composed and beautifully made up doctor chastise the pink-faced crying girl about her weight. I heard her say something like "If you don't do something about this, you are going to have to make arrangements for someone else to take care of your kids!" Excuse me? She IS doing something about it. She's at the doctor. (I'll rant about doctors and weight loss in a minute).
Then I watched Jillian & her tight abs walk through a very cluttered room, while Pinkface sobs in the background.
That's the preview.
Can't wait to see the show.
Know what? I am not going to watch it. And I am going to ask you not to watch it.
Why?
Because as far as I can see, this show is about perpetuating the myth that one can only truly be happy when they are fit, thin and clutter free.
I am sure the pink faced crying girl is going to have a happy ending. I am sure she has real issues. And I know a lot of us feel like you do, Pinky. But you're not helping us by letting Jillian humiliate you publicly.
When Dr. Model chastises you, you need to look her calmly in the eye and say "I understand there are significant health implications. That's why I am here. I don't appreciate your condescending tone. I am not stupid."
I am sure that Dr. Model doesn't berate her other clients with chronic health conditions. I am sure her asthma patients aren't told that they have character issues because of their condition. Does she tell patients with eczema that they need to make arrangements to have someone care for their families? No. She treats them. With respect.
I asked my doctor (who is also beautiful, but not condescending) why she couldn't treat my weight like she would any other chronic illness. Know why? Insurance. So she sent me to Weight Watchers. The only way my weight can be treated by a physician is if I have gastric bypass surgery.
Is it just me, or is there something horribly wrong with a system that expects for-profit companies to treat an illness, and then when it doesn't work, they will pay to have a major organ amputated?
I'm not up for gastric bypass -- at least not now. But it would be better than having Jillian Michaels humiliate me in front of a TV Audience.
*******UPDATE***********
Is that show still on??
Isn't it funny that I obviously DON'T like J.M., but her ads pop up all over my blog?
Great way to sell your shit, Jillian! (You know she has her name google-alerted) Oh, and Jillian? Eat something.
Yes Jillian Michaels, I am talking to YOU.
I've seen the previews for your new show.
I watched your intense kohl-lined eyes framed by perfectly tousled tresses stare into the pink, sweaty & makeup-free face of your "client". Whatever. I look just like that girl when I work out except I don't cry like an idiot. When I work out (2 miles yesterday thankyouverymuch!), my hair is back in a chongo (which is South Texican for ponytail. Awesome word, right??), I'm wearing glasses instead of contacts, and my face is bright red.
I watched the blonde, composed and beautifully made up doctor chastise the pink-faced crying girl about her weight. I heard her say something like "If you don't do something about this, you are going to have to make arrangements for someone else to take care of your kids!" Excuse me? She IS doing something about it. She's at the doctor. (I'll rant about doctors and weight loss in a minute).
Then I watched Jillian & her tight abs walk through a very cluttered room, while Pinkface sobs in the background.
That's the preview.
Can't wait to see the show.
Know what? I am not going to watch it. And I am going to ask you not to watch it.
Why?
Because as far as I can see, this show is about perpetuating the myth that one can only truly be happy when they are fit, thin and clutter free.
I am sure the pink faced crying girl is going to have a happy ending. I am sure she has real issues. And I know a lot of us feel like you do, Pinky. But you're not helping us by letting Jillian humiliate you publicly.
When Dr. Model chastises you, you need to look her calmly in the eye and say "I understand there are significant health implications. That's why I am here. I don't appreciate your condescending tone. I am not stupid."
I am sure that Dr. Model doesn't berate her other clients with chronic health conditions. I am sure her asthma patients aren't told that they have character issues because of their condition. Does she tell patients with eczema that they need to make arrangements to have someone care for their families? No. She treats them. With respect.
I asked my doctor (who is also beautiful, but not condescending) why she couldn't treat my weight like she would any other chronic illness. Know why? Insurance. So she sent me to Weight Watchers. The only way my weight can be treated by a physician is if I have gastric bypass surgery.
Is it just me, or is there something horribly wrong with a system that expects for-profit companies to treat an illness, and then when it doesn't work, they will pay to have a major organ amputated?
I'm not up for gastric bypass -- at least not now. But it would be better than having Jillian Michaels humiliate me in front of a TV Audience.
*******UPDATE***********
Is that show still on??
Isn't it funny that I obviously DON'T like J.M., but her ads pop up all over my blog?
Great way to sell your shit, Jillian! (You know she has her name google-alerted) Oh, and Jillian? Eat something.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Water Baby
We go to the beach a lot. We love the beach. This weekend, while at the beach, a little girl came by to play with the boys. I love that about kids. They see another kid & they just start to play together.
And this girl is ADORABLE. She has beautiful cafe-con-leche skin; crazy, happy hair with a tiny blue barrette in it, and a precious pink gingham bikini. This child was friendly and very charming. This is the kind of child that makes me wish (a tiny bit) that I had a little girl.
What she didn't seem to have were parents.
I asked where they were & she said "they are in the white car". . .I looked -- saw the white car, but no parents.
Her name is Olivia, and she is 3.
THREE. Almost 4, apparently, but still. She's 3.
The waves at Bob Hall Pier are not too bad, but it's very easy to get out too far without realizing it. Especially if you are 3.
My son is 3 and I won't let him NEAR the water without me or his dad. I won't let the 6 or 9 year olds near the water without me or their dad.
I have this thing about water safety. I think it is important.
I think that one of the duties a parent has is to ensure that children are safe around water. Pools, lakes and beaches. Beaches with strong undertows that can sweep a child out into the ocean as fast as you can say David Hasselhoff.
We could not see this girl's parents anywhere.
When it was time to go, I said "Olivia honey, we have to go. Let's go find your mommy, OK?"
She said "No -- I am going to find some other kids to play with" and she skipped over to another family playing not far away.
I approached the family and explained: "I don't know who she is, but I am going to call the ranger. Can you keep an eye on her?" The Mom said "I thought she was yours".
I wish.
By the time I got to the car -- Viola! Her mother shows up.
Her mother looks just like you'd think she'd look. 19. Tramp Stamp. Piercings. Gangster Boyfriend who obviously is not Olivia's daddy. (How do I know? Olivia is clearly half white and half black. Gangster Boyfriend is clearly Hispanic. Not Olivia's daddy.)
It's not that I have a problem with moms being 19 with tramp stamps and piercings and Gangster Boyfriends. (well, the 19 & Gangster Boyfriend parts aren't cool). I do have a problem with letting your 3 year old play by the water without proper supervision.
Sigh. Poor Olivia.
And this girl is ADORABLE. She has beautiful cafe-con-leche skin; crazy, happy hair with a tiny blue barrette in it, and a precious pink gingham bikini. This child was friendly and very charming. This is the kind of child that makes me wish (a tiny bit) that I had a little girl.
What she didn't seem to have were parents.
I asked where they were & she said "they are in the white car". . .I looked -- saw the white car, but no parents.
Her name is Olivia, and she is 3.
THREE. Almost 4, apparently, but still. She's 3.
The waves at Bob Hall Pier are not too bad, but it's very easy to get out too far without realizing it. Especially if you are 3.
My son is 3 and I won't let him NEAR the water without me or his dad. I won't let the 6 or 9 year olds near the water without me or their dad.
I have this thing about water safety. I think it is important.
I think that one of the duties a parent has is to ensure that children are safe around water. Pools, lakes and beaches. Beaches with strong undertows that can sweep a child out into the ocean as fast as you can say David Hasselhoff.
We could not see this girl's parents anywhere.
When it was time to go, I said "Olivia honey, we have to go. Let's go find your mommy, OK?"
She said "No -- I am going to find some other kids to play with" and she skipped over to another family playing not far away.
I approached the family and explained: "I don't know who she is, but I am going to call the ranger. Can you keep an eye on her?" The Mom said "I thought she was yours".
I wish.
By the time I got to the car -- Viola! Her mother shows up.
Her mother looks just like you'd think she'd look. 19. Tramp Stamp. Piercings. Gangster Boyfriend who obviously is not Olivia's daddy. (How do I know? Olivia is clearly half white and half black. Gangster Boyfriend is clearly Hispanic. Not Olivia's daddy.)
It's not that I have a problem with moms being 19 with tramp stamps and piercings and Gangster Boyfriends. (well, the 19 & Gangster Boyfriend parts aren't cool). I do have a problem with letting your 3 year old play by the water without proper supervision.
Sigh. Poor Olivia.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Graduation?
I recently received this e-mail:
Hi K5 parents,
Our babies are about to graduate out of kinder!!! Can you believe it??? I was just wondering if anyone knows if we can or if you all are interested in having them wear cap & gown for the awards ceremony?? i think [the public school] does it & i dont think [our school] has ever done it, but if we provide it for our child, i wonder if they will let us???? is anyone else interested?
Am I interested? No. Hell no.
I know this mom is excited (many punctuation marks!!!). Pesonally, I would rather sit through a timeshare presentation than endure a kindergarten graduation.
That's just me, though. (Me & my husband, actually) I don't want to be unkind or intolerant. I hope the reply I sent wasn't hurtful. I didn't use CAPS or excessive punctuation or swear words. I responded:
I understand being excited for your little one. They are babies. They are cute. They are precious. I get that. I also understand not everyone agrees with me that graduations are for High School and above.
I have high expectations for my boys. I expect them to finish Kindergarten much in the same way I expect them to brush their teeth before bed. Frankly, I also expect them to finish high school and college. I am not going to throw a party for him just because he was promoted to first grade.
Know when I throw a big party??
When my son becomes an Altar Server. When he makes Eagle Scout. When he finishes Boot Camp. When he finishes the Seminary. When he receives his doctorate. I celebrate my sons' achievements, not their milestones.
It's not to say that on the last day of Kinder that I won't take him to McDonald's. (To get a Happy Meal and a toy! Take that Leroy G. Comrie!) We will have a nice family dinner after First Holy Eucharist and I am not opposed to throwing a birthday party every five years or so. But a graduation ceremony for Kindergarten?
Hell no.
Hi K5 parents,
Our babies are about to graduate out of kinder!!! Can you believe it??? I was just wondering if anyone knows if we can or if you all are interested in having them wear cap & gown for the awards ceremony?? i think [the public school] does it & i dont think [our school] has ever done it, but if we provide it for our child, i wonder if they will let us???? is anyone else interested?
Am I interested? No. Hell no.
I know this mom is excited (many punctuation marks!!!). Pesonally, I would rather sit through a timeshare presentation than endure a kindergarten graduation.
That's just me, though. (Me & my husband, actually) I don't want to be unkind or intolerant. I hope the reply I sent wasn't hurtful. I didn't use CAPS or excessive punctuation or swear words. I responded:
"Sorry to be un-fun guys, but L____ is not going to wear a cap & gown for Kinder. It’s not something I can get behind."
I understand being excited for your little one. They are babies. They are cute. They are precious. I get that. I also understand not everyone agrees with me that graduations are for High School and above.
I have high expectations for my boys. I expect them to finish Kindergarten much in the same way I expect them to brush their teeth before bed. Frankly, I also expect them to finish high school and college. I am not going to throw a party for him just because he was promoted to first grade.
Know when I throw a big party??
When my son becomes an Altar Server. When he makes Eagle Scout. When he finishes Boot Camp. When he finishes the Seminary. When he receives his doctorate. I celebrate my sons' achievements, not their milestones.
It's not to say that on the last day of Kinder that I won't take him to McDonald's. (To get a Happy Meal and a toy! Take that Leroy G. Comrie!) We will have a nice family dinner after First Holy Eucharist and I am not opposed to throwing a birthday party every five years or so. But a graduation ceremony for Kindergarten?
Hell no.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Look What I found!
Searching through my e-mail today, I came across a letter I once wrote to our local newspaper. I wrote it on 5/2/2009.
You can tell by reading the letter that some douche bag named Charles wrote a letter to the paper saying something like: "Fatties are fat. They should just not eat so much. They are stupid fat fatties."
I used to just ignore those mean bullying letters. But then I started fighting back. I actually thought that http://www.giftoffat.com/ would be a lot more about providing a voice for fat people and a lot less about pushups and kids. The fact is, however, I can't keep up the anger 24/7.
Some of my life is about getting angry at stupid, sanctimonious morons who vilify fat people.
Most of my life is about other things.
When I saw this, however, it rang as true as it did the day I wrote it.
So now YOU get to read it!
Sent to Caller Times, May 2009:
In response to Charles C_________'s letter of 5/2 regarding obese people should ELF - Eat Less Food: Duh.
As an obese woman for my entire life, the ELF strategy is used by most of us all the time. With the billion dollar diet industry, ELF takes many forms: the no carb diet, the grapefruit diet, Atkins, Weight Watchers, South Beach, the list gets larger every year. The result: metabolic chaos. I am sorry that Mr. C_________ was "horrified recently" to learn that obesity causes a slew of health problems. Fat people have known this forever. Obesity also causes social and psychological problems -- frequently triggered by ignorant individuals who think that the solution to our medical issues is simple: ELF. The letter is made even more insulting by the tacky cartoon above it which shows the US flag cracking under the weight of an obese person.
Obesity is not a character flaw. It is a medical condition that can sometimes -- but not always -- be controlled by various strategies. When I was a girl, I was the only fat kid in class. Now all the kids are fat. The only upside to this sad situation is that the public is finally waking up to the fact that obesity is a chronic medical condition that needs to be addressed at all levels. Hopefully, the insurance industry will follow suit and begin to pay for reasonable medical intervention before the patient resorts to drastic measures such as gastric bypass or lap band.
It's no fun to be fat. I'll bet it's not fun to have asthma either. Chronic medical conditions don't have simple solutions. Let's stop being so condescending.
Mary A.
Corpus Christi
You can tell by reading the letter that some douche bag named Charles wrote a letter to the paper saying something like: "Fatties are fat. They should just not eat so much. They are stupid fat fatties."
I used to just ignore those mean bullying letters. But then I started fighting back. I actually thought that http://www.giftoffat.com/ would be a lot more about providing a voice for fat people and a lot less about pushups and kids. The fact is, however, I can't keep up the anger 24/7.
Some of my life is about getting angry at stupid, sanctimonious morons who vilify fat people.
Most of my life is about other things.
When I saw this, however, it rang as true as it did the day I wrote it.
So now YOU get to read it!
Sent to Caller Times, May 2009:
In response to Charles C_________'s letter of 5/2 regarding obese people should ELF - Eat Less Food: Duh.
As an obese woman for my entire life, the ELF strategy is used by most of us all the time. With the billion dollar diet industry, ELF takes many forms: the no carb diet, the grapefruit diet, Atkins, Weight Watchers, South Beach, the list gets larger every year. The result: metabolic chaos. I am sorry that Mr. C_________ was "horrified recently" to learn that obesity causes a slew of health problems. Fat people have known this forever. Obesity also causes social and psychological problems -- frequently triggered by ignorant individuals who think that the solution to our medical issues is simple: ELF. The letter is made even more insulting by the tacky cartoon above it which shows the US flag cracking under the weight of an obese person.
Obesity is not a character flaw. It is a medical condition that can sometimes -- but not always -- be controlled by various strategies. When I was a girl, I was the only fat kid in class. Now all the kids are fat. The only upside to this sad situation is that the public is finally waking up to the fact that obesity is a chronic medical condition that needs to be addressed at all levels. Hopefully, the insurance industry will follow suit and begin to pay for reasonable medical intervention before the patient resorts to drastic measures such as gastric bypass or lap band.
It's no fun to be fat. I'll bet it's not fun to have asthma either. Chronic medical conditions don't have simple solutions. Let's stop being so condescending.
Mary A.
Corpus Christi
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