Day 3

And I am about to commit murder.

I gave up pop.

I drank my last Coke Zero on Monday evening.

I hid it in my bedroom so none of my kids could mooch any.

It was my last can of pop and I was NOT going to share.

I didn't give up caffeine.  I gave up pop.  Not just for lent.  I gave it up For Evah.

I don't drink pop for the caffeine.  I drink it for that fizzy burn that quiets some secret need like a forbidden lover.

I have a lifelong relationship with pop.  I started drinking diet pop when I was about 5.  That's when diet pop first began to emerge.  My mother assumed diet pop was good for us, as it didn't have any sugar.  The ads for diet pop showed beautiful girls in bathing suits enjoying a guilt-free treat.

Tab.  My first love.  One of the biggest treats we could have as kids was to drink a WHOLE BOTTLE OF POP.  That's 16 ounces.  In a glass bottle.  With saccharine.  In those days, the Coca-cola company collected empty bottles, sterilized them, then refilled them with the nectar of the gods.

By high school, I drank Tab out of a can.  My friend Dana and I would each have a can of Tab and a diet pill for lunch. Those were the days.

In College, I loved Diet Pepsi.  Then I moved to Diet Coke.  A few years ago, I found Coke Zero. 

I found my soul mate. 

Or so I thought.

I knew pop wasn't good for me.  I knew that the phosphorous was slowly dissolving my teeth and bones.  I knew that the artificial sweetener was fucking with my neurons and my metabolism.

I didn't care.  It had zero calories.

Why did I give it up?

I gave it up because we have 2 weeks left in the Tri-Mary Challenge, and I have been stuck on 244 like glue.

I need to get over this plateau.

What happens once the challenge is over (and another Mary wins)?

I'm not going back.  I know pop is bad for me.  It's an abusive relationship.  And I have to end it.

Me & pop are over.  No diet coke.  No regular coke.  No Sprite, Diet 7Up, no Diet Rite, no Coke Zero.  Nothing.

No "occasional" treat.  No "only on weekends".  No walking slowly down the pop aisle, no googling it, no stalking mutual friends on Facebook.

I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't cheat on my husband. Now that pop is gone, what vices are left to me?

I guess I still have swearing. 

Fuckin' A!

Mary Christmas!

You know how much I LOVE fitness challenges!

They REALLY motivate me.  I'm not competitive or anything, I just wanna reach new personal bests.

And also win.

Because Victor knows that I LOVE challenges, and because he knows that I MUST get down to 229 by 2/1/12 and because he knows that I love Christmas cookies almost as much as my children, Victor has set up a new challenge for me.

And Mary.

And Mary.

It's the Tri-Mary Challenge.

See, there are three Marys who work out at V-Fit.

We all happen to be alumna of the University of Wisconsin.  (One of us received her Doctorate from UW.  One of us just drank a lot of beer and kissed as many boys as I . . .I mean she could get her hands on.  I don't know about Mary.)

Mary & I also have the same birthday. 

Wild, huh?

Victor's stated goal is to foster a spirit of competition while improving the overall fitness of three of his most dedicated clients.  We all know he secretly wants us to get into a cat fight.  (What is it about guys and cat fights?  Seriously.)

We aren't going to get into a cat fight.  We are going to have some competition, yes.  Mostly though, we have a sisterly collaboration to reach our individual goals.  We are going to rejoice in each others' triumphs and fortify each other when times get hard.

We are going to run towards the prize with arms linked! 

I just hope the prize isn't a portkey. 

Mary says it's OK if it's a portkey as long as it takes us to the Bahamas.

I'm just really, really glad my name is Mary!

Go Mary!

Go Mary!

Go Mary!
   

The Envelope Please. . .

As you may know, I recently competed in a friendly competition with some other community leaders to help bring about increased fitness awareness in our community.

Friendly my ass.  I wanted to win.

It was tough.

For one thing, Victor and Gabe are sadistic basterds who think up exercises like around the world and make me do things like dips.  I love those sadistic basterds, but still.  Dips. 

For another, my competitors included people like Tony.  And Mary.  And Robert.  And Kirby. And Megan.

It was tough.

My partner was Julia.  Julia is a dark haired beauty who works with children.  She is gentle and kind.  She is friendly and smiling.  Fortunately, she is also focused and unstoppable. 

Julia jogged to the bootcamp, worked out as hard as she could, then jogged back home.  Julia worked out 6 or 7 days a week, and then in her spare time played kickball.  Julia was the best partner ever.

At the end of the challenge, I lost 14 lbs, a  percentage of body fat and several inches off my waist, hips, thighs, arms and most of all -- boobs.  At the end of the challenge, Julia had arms like Michelle Obama's. 

Between the two of us, we lost 30lbs, 17inches & 6.9% body fat.  Overall the V Fit Challenge Teams lost 84 lbs, 66 inches and an average of 6.7% Body Fat.

This is one contest where everyone who finishes is a winner. 

I'm not being trite -- I mean it.  I didn't take top prize last year, but participating in the 2010 challenge was one of the highlights of my year.  It started me on a path I never expected to follow.  It made me strong and healthy and gained me lots of friends.

So I am not lying when I say that Tony emerged a winner just for competing.  And Mary.  And Robert. And Kirby.  And Megan. And everyone else that participated.  All of them are winners.

As for me & Julia, we both felt it was an honor just to compete.

Vic announced the winners on October 8th. 

Drumroll please. . . . . .

JULIA AND I WON

WE FUCKING WON!!!!!!
WHOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Kirby, Julia, Caitlin & me.  It was a 70's workout.  Shaddap.

Fun and Pains

I never shoulda told Gabe I could do push ups from my toes.

When you can do push ups from your toes, you are eligible for lots of other fun exercises. 

Like "walk-outs".  Walk-outs start from a standing position.  Then you bend down, touch the floor, walk your hands out to a push-up position, do a goddam push up, then walk your hands back to your toes, then stand up.  I get to do 4 sets of 10.  Or 15, depending on what else Gabe has for me.

You also get to do planks.  A plank is a push up position held in place for a period of time.  Gabe says it's only 60 seconds but I think he meant 60 MINUTES.  Because that's how it feels.  Sometimes, just for fun, Gabe puts a 25lb weight on my back as I plank.  I am not lying. 

Today we did a fun one.

Around the World!

Doesn't that sound cute?  Doesn't it evoke images of happy children in national costume holding hands and dancing in a circle?  Doesn't it make you think of exotic places with women in colorful fabrics handing you glasses of the local refreshment?  It makes one think of fun drinking games and nights of hilarity.  Around the World.  How delightful.

I think a more appropriate name would be "Circle of Agony". 

To do an Around the World, you begin in a plank position.  Then you do a push up.  Then you walk your hands a few degrees to the left - or right, depending on which hemisphere Gabe is working on -- and do another push up.  The you move your hands a few more degrees, push up, walk hands, push up and so it goes until you have turned a full 360 degrees. 

You may have heard the expression "Horses sweat, Men perspire and Ladies glisten."  My glistening left a perfectly round mark in the carpet that won't dry for a few more days. 

I bet next week Gabe makes me do a variation he'll call "Mary-Go-Round".  An "Around the World" with Victor standing on my ass.

I just hope he takes his shoes off first.
 

Starving Scorpion

Dear Weight Watchers:

Today is day four of the new Points Plus! for me.  With all the fruit at Zero Points!  I'm eating my Power Foods!  And I'm Fucking Starving!

Your website says "Try adding more fiber to fill you up!"  and "Don't forget to drink your water!" 

I say "I'm still Fucking Starving!"

I hate you.  See you on Tuesday.

From,

The Starving Scorpion

Dear Vic:

Last night was my 3rd Leadership Fitness Challenge!

Ricky made us do the Scorpion.  That was a new one.  We had to plank from our elbows, then lift our right leg and bring it over our left leg.  We had to do that 20 fucking times, then we had to switch legs.

This morning, I figured out why it's called the Scorpion.  It stings your ass like crazy.

Sorry for being cranky, I am starving and my ass hurts.

See you tomorrow.

Love,

The Starving Scorpion

Looks like I Survived

Not only did the world not end, but I also finished Beach 2 Bay.  And lived.

Wow. 

The Beach 2 Bay was an incredible "Bucket List" type of experience.  I've run 5Ks before -- that alone is a challenge for me, but the Beach 2 Bay is a big deal.  There 2575 teams.  Multiply that by 6 people, and you have -- wait, lemme find my calculator -- 15,450 people running in Corpus Christi. 

My trainer Gabe was faster than 15,438 of them.  His team came in second over all.  He is awesome!  It took them just 2 hours, 21 minutes and 59 seconds to finish the race.

My friend Reena's team was faster than all but one of the women's teams.  She also is awesome.  Their team came in at 2 hours, 58 minutes and 23.6 seconds.

That means that two of my friends were done before I even got on the shuttle bus back to my car. 

My team, Victor's Grasshoppers, came in 697 out of 981 in our category.  That's in the top 71%!  Whoot!

The most difficult part of the event was not the running -- although I did walk more than I wanted to.  The most difficult part was the logistics.  I had to catch the shuttle between 5 & 6 am.  That's the middle of the night as far as I am concerned.  The race started at 7, I was finished at 8, and then had to wait another 2 hours to get a shuttle back to the car.  Then the shuttle was stuck in traffic for another hour and a half.  I didn't get home until 12:30pm. 

The waiting wouldn't have been so bad if we had access to shade and water.  We didn't.

Would I run it again?  Yes. 

Next year?  I'm gonna place in the top 690!

Maintain-No Gain

There is a new challenge put forth by my awesome employer:

The Holiday Challenge:  Maintain-No Gain.

They say that the average American will gain 8-10 lbs during the holiday season.

Of course I am always above average.

For those of us participating, we weigh in on Friday, then we weigh in AGAIN on January 13.  If we maintain our weight within 2lbs, we get a t-shirt.

I guess if we lose 5 lbs, no t-shirt.  Oh well.

I wonder if I can weigh in naked.  Hmmmm. . . .