Remember This?

"By 2/1/12, I will be down to at least 229 by working out 5 or more times a week and eating at least 7 servings of fruits and vegetables a day."

Posted on 11/19/11.

Ahem.  Yeah.  About that. . ..

I didn't quite make the progress I hoped.

In November, I squeaked by losing one more lb to a new low of 243.  Yahfuckinghoo.

I got on the scale today, and. . . .

I gained 2 lbs. 

I should say I gained AT LEAST 2 lbs, because I stepped on the scale after Vic's 2012 Inaugural Bootcamp which made me sweat the equivalent of an Olympic swimming pool.

I'm not surprised. 

I feel like I have rug burn on my ass from December's backslide. 

I finished the year at a party, where I enjoyed smokies wrapped in biscuit dough, creamy potatoes spiked with bacon and cheese, caramel popcorn, a few more smokies, a bite of salad and a cupcake. 

The night before, we went to Cracker Barrel for dinner. .  .pancakes, eggs, pancakes and a bite of chicken fried steak.

It's not that gaining 2 lbs over Christmas and new years is a big deal.  It's not.

It's just that I have spent the last year and a half doing good things for my health, and then rushing to the computer so I can brag about it like a 2 year old who made her first poo-poo in the potty.

I swear I tried to think of a better analogy.

Anyway, you guys are all VERY supportive of me, so I feel I need to be accountable to you.

New Year, new start.

I will not be derailed by 2 stupid lbs.

Remember that I said that.  'Kay?

WHY I hate Weight Watchers

I am on Weight Watchers.

I hate it.

Everyone knows I am on Weight Watchers and everyone knows I hate it.

Everyone also thinks that I should just shut my big mouth and quit whining about it, even though everyone is too nice to actually say that to me.

I need to explain WHY I hate Weight Watchers.

I hate WW because it is SO gimmicky. Points.  Power Foods.  Stickers, charms, ribbons.  Lifetime memberships.  GAG. 

Also, they treat everyone the same. My cousin recently lost 20 lbs in 3 months with WW.  His wife lost 40 lbs in 13 months using another system.  Know why he lost so much so fast?   Because he is a man & they metabolize fat differently. 

They do. 

I get that there are lots of men who need to lose weight and WW might be a place where they can lose it.  But do you know how much it sucks to be next to a guy who dropped 20 lbs in 3 months when it took me 6 months to do it?  The way WW works, they don't really distinguish between men & women.  Men get lots of "oh wows" and women get "keep trying!".

In addition, there is a HUGE difference between someone like me -- who has been fat my whole life and has been over 100 lbs overweight -- and someone who gained 30 lbs after she hit 30.  We both need to lose weight, but I have a different health history, a different emotional experience, a different everything. WW does not recognize those differences. 

Can I tell you how much it annoys me to hear "What worked for me was keeping my fruit cut up in the fridge."  I am happy to hear that the little fruit trick works for you.  But I did not gain 100 lbs because my fucking fruit wasn't cut up.

WW is all about sitting thru stupid meetings to "learn" about how to eat (puhleeze) and then clapping for every lb lost as if it were an achievement.


Weight loss is not an achievement.

It is a metabolic result.

I bet if you polled every fat person you see, each of them would tell you they tried weight watchers at least once. So why are they still fat?


Because WW is not a long term solution.  It only works as long as you work it.  It is not sustainable.  I've said it before, but I have a real problem with a health care system that treats obesity as a character or vanity issue. 

Weight loss is not covered by insurance unless you get a major organ removed.  The US health insurance industry has left treatment of a major health crisis to a group of for-profit companies that are in the business of selling frozen foods, calorie calculators, water bottles and other paraphernalia.

I have been to weight watchers off & on for 40 years. I went to my first WW meeting when I was 5. They made me eat liver, and my mom had to make a different ketchup that I was supposed to eat. It tasted terrible.   My mom felt bad that I had to eat liver & no one else did, so she made everyone eat what I was supposed to eat. 

Mom tried to disguise the disgusting organ meat, so she chopped it in little pieces and mixed it in with spaghetti.  We all cried. 

Then my dad yelled at her for forcing his kids to eat liver.

All because my mom was looking out for me, and trying to get me to do what WW said was right.

I love you mom.

I hate you Weight Watchers.

I was most successful on WW before I got married.  I lost about 30 lbs and went from a size 16 to a size 12.  (Of course, my wedding dress was a size 20 but that's another blog.) 

We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon. I gained 5lbs. When I got back to WW, the meeting leader made me feel as if I had slept with her husband.

I haven't had much success with WW since then -- partly because they moved to this "points" bullshit.  I've joined and quit about 4 or 5 times since I got married.  So why am I back?

Because I know that WW is as effective as anything else out there, and it's pretty affordable. I am cussing my way through it, but I am going to go thru it. Goddamit.

I hope to have success.  I just won't give WW the satisfaction of thinking THEY had anything to do with it.

Because they didn't.

An Update

Remember when I blogged my Revolutions and talked about how goals must be specific, written , blah blah blah?  Well, they must also be updated. 

So. 

March 1st.  First day of the last month of the quarter.  (If you are in business, that last sentence should make some sense).

My updates are in pretty purple type.

Educational:
I will take one class each session. Update:  I am taking Business Calculus.  I should be studying for it instead of blogging.  I secretly wish for violent stomach flu so I will have a legitimate reason for missing class.  Plus violent stomach flu always takes a few pounds off.

Social:
I don't have any social goals this year.  Update.  I still don't have any social goals this year. 

Spiritual:
I will read at least one book about my faith every quarter. Update:  I have one month to get this done.  I've read the last issue of the Liguorian, and South Texas Catholic.  But those are periodicals, so they don't count.

Physical:
I will work out at least 4 times each week.  Update:  Doing it.  I pushed a truck. 

I will include fruit and/or vegetables at each meal. Update:  Define vegetable.  I have some work to do here.

Financial:
We will pay off the goddamn Sallie Mae by 12/31/2012. Update:  On track.  We are coming to get you Bitch.


Remember I said:

Here's what I am not going to do:


Go on a diet.  Update:  we may have to rethink this one. 

Actually, I am not going to diet.  But I may decide to do weight watchers. Even though I fucking hate weight watchers.   (Weight Watchers says they are not a diet. Bullshit.  They tell you how to manipulate your food choices in order to lose weight.  That's called a diet.)  The fact is, weight fucking watchers works.  If you are disciplined and follow the plan. 

See, I think I am having trouble with my vegetables because I am not planning effectively.  Weight fucking watchers has a pre-made plan.  And really annoying meetings.  And literature featuring photos of 50ish year old women in bright clothes riding bikes with their No-Way-Is-He-Straight husbands.   IF I decide to go to weight fucking watchers, I need to change my attitude or it really won't work.  But that is easier said than done.  And the more I try to change my attitude about weightfuckingwatchers the more I fucking hate them. 

If I had an extra $500 a month, I'd go on Jenny-is-a-bad-hair-bitch-Craig.  Actually, if I had an extra $500, I'd give it to Vic because he has great hair, plus he deserves it. 

I don't have $500 to pay for Jenny-80's hair-Craig.

Maybe I can do it on my own! 

Yeah right.    If I could do it on my own, I wouldn't need to even think about joining weight-fuck-fuck-fuck-watchers.  But I do need to.  I need to do it for me.  I need to do it for Vic & Gabe.  Seriously. They have done amazing things for me so far.  But unless I can get control of my food choices, we're stuck where we are. 

I hate being stuck. 

New Goal:  Join fucking weight watchers.  And maybe quit swearing so much.

The Real Challenge

Why is it that I can run laps with a sledgehammer, do triceps curls until my arms burn, run a 5K and push a Chevy down the street, but I can't keep my face out of the Valentine's candy?

Conversation Hearts?  SO yummy. 

Wait -- they are NOT yummy.  They are foul. 

I've eaten like 6 boxes of them this week.  Because no one seems to give out chocolate for valentines day anymore.

If I am going to reach my goal of weighing what I weighed when I married, then I am going to have to re-think the conversation hearts. 

Which sucks. 

Because I love those foul little things.

My Valentine to V-Fit

I went to the doctor today.

Not Dr. Jellyfinger, the other one. (Sorry Shawn.  I couldn't resist)

Since I last saw this doctor, I have lost 25 lbs and my blood pressure is way down. 

WOOOT!

THIS is the reason I have been doing this:



Yes, I am carrying a TIRE over my head.



And THIS:

 What rhymes with TRUCK?  Exactly. 

The doctor was very encouraged. 

Her: "Yeay YOU!  You've been exercising!"

Me: "I have!"

Her: "And watching what you eat!"

Me:  "ummmmm, no.  We're not there yet."

Her:  "OK. But we need to get there, OK?"

Me:  "Ummmmm. . . I pushed a truck."

So I am happy with this mini-victory.  So Happy Valentine's Day Vic, Gabe, Ricky & Mari!  (You haven't heard me mention Mari?  Sorry.  She's adorable.  But not in a Vic way.  So you can understand why I don't blog about her.  Heh.)

I pink-puffy-healthy-heart you guys!

Just so you know. . . .

They were sold out of trees.

In other news, I got to go to a cookie exchange today.  I baked 7 dozen shortbread cookies and took them to a girlfriend's house.  Several other of her friends baked 7 dozen yummy cookies and we traded. 

It was the Christmas I dreamed about -- complete with beautiful little girls in red plaid dresses and stylish women chatting, laughing and sipping coffee.  The home was tastefully and seasonally decorated, the hostess charming, and the company engaging. 

Yes, Virginia, there is a Perfect Christmas Party. It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.

Thankful for Thy Bounty and the Invention of Cool Whip

At the grocery store today there were thousands of people shopping for their holiday repast.

Why don't they just buy it when they are shopping for their regular groceries like I am?   Why does shopping for turkey require 75% more people?  Admittedly, I was with my 9 year old, but I am usually there with all 3 kiddos, so technically, I had 66% fewer people with me.  I have been at rock concerts with less people than were at the store today. 

It was the Monkees Reunion Tour, but still.   

I made my usual route through the HEB (in South Texas, you can go to any grocery store you want, as long as it's HEB).  I started in paper goods, went through dairy, meat, then circle back for cleaning goods, personal products, pet food, frozen, canned goods, cereal, specialty items, bakery then fresh produce. 

I filled my cart with the usual, plus stuff for Thursday.  A box of stuffing, a huge frozen solid turkey, a can of cranberry sauce, a can of pumpkin, a can of biscuits, and a tub of cool whip.  A big tub of cool whip. 

In the produce section, I found sweet potatoes, haricot verts (or, as I like to call them: green beans), lettuce, tomato, a star fruit, lemons and oranges.  My son wanted the star fruit.  What the hell, it's only once a year.  I'll pay $3 for a pretty fruit that no one is really going to eat. 

My oldest and I discussed Thanksgiving.  We discussed the brutal winter the pilgrims experienced.  The disease, the squalor.  We discussed the trials that led to the pilgrims going to the New World.  The prejudice and the political oppression.  My 9 year old is really, really smart.  He is more than up for a discussion on the Geopolitics of 1659 and the repercussions for modern western civilization. 

It occurred to me that the pilgrims wouldn't recognize anything that we were buying in their honor.  Most of it was canned or boxed or shrink wrapped.  Most of it has added salt or sugar or colors.  Even the vegetables were prettier and more processed than the stuff they ate.   I mean, seriously -- canned cranberry sauce? 

When I was about 12, I got in big trouble because I mashed the cranberry sauce in the bowl so it would look more "natural".  My dad said I "ruined" it and had to run to the 7-11 to get another can because in those days grocery stores were not open on Thanksgiving.  I think he paid like $3.25 for that can of cranberry sauce.

I have a vegetarian friend who buys organic and wouldn't eat anything that I bought.  She is very true to the idea of clean food, as close as possible to its natural state.  She bemoans the state of food in this country.  I am very thankful for this friend.  I am also thankful that I am not eating Thanksgiving with her.  (Just kidding M!  You can come to our house if you want!  Bring your own dinner, 'kay?)

I am also very thankful that the bounty we receive is nothing like the Pilgrims.  I don't have to kill anything.  I don't have to clean much.  I just open the can, and yum. 

I just hope the Cool Whip lasts until Thanksgiving. 

Old Crush, New Crush

I admit it. I have had this crush since high school.

And you would think after all these years, I would be over it.

I thought I was.

I looked fondly back on that time as iconic 80's. My defining moments. But it was my past, you know?

Until this:




Molly Ringwald wrote a BOOK!

Not just any book either. Not a book about what it was really like to kiss Jake Ryan (I know it must have been amazing). Not a book about where Anthony Michael Hall is these days (not sure I really want to know).

This book is about fashion. And friendships. And makeup. And food. Lots and lots of talk about food.

Molly Ringwald is a girlfriend! She is smart! Funny! Well read! REAL! I am SO excited!

If you had a big girl crush on Molly in the 80's (and if you were in high school in the 80's how can you not have a girl crush on Molly??); then you will love this book.

It is no coincidence that my "girl" names when I was preggers included Molly and Claire.

I pink puffy heart Molly Ringwald now more than ever.

Sushi & Other Smelly Foods

I'm kinda ripping off a post from another blog, Daydream Believer.  She talked about how she doesn't like Sushi. 

I like sushi OK.

If I am at a Japanese Restaurant, I will eat lots on sushi and enjoy it.  If I am at my mother-in-law's house, I will eat sushi and enjoy it.  But you won't see me searching through the fridge & cabinets hoping against hope that somehow there is an overlooked plate of sushi.  (I'm usually hoping for Ding dongs.  But they never materialize.  Sigh.)

My husband doesn't like sushi.  He's Japanese.  He's supposed to like sushi.

It's not that he doesn't like it.  He's allergic to fish. 

I married a Japanese guy allergic to fish.

That's like being married to a Frenchman allergic to cheese.

You know my husband isn't from Japan, right?  He's from California.  He says "Dude" and everything.  His parents aren't even from Japan.  They were both born in Hawaii.  But their parents are from Okinawa.  So technically, Greg is Okinawan, not Japanese.  I mean, he's American.  With Okinawan ancestry.  Or Japanese ancestry, depending on the point he's trying to make. 

Whatever he is, he is allergic to fish.  So we don't eat a lot of sushi.

Remember when sushi was weird?  Remember in Mr. Baseball when Jack (Tom Selleck) told Hiroko (Aya Takanashi) that he didn't eat bait?  I love that movie!  That was only 1992.

Sushi is very mainstream now.  You can buy it at the grocery store.  In Corpus Christi, Texas.  You can't get more mainstream than that. 

We do eat a lot of other weird foods though.

My boys love to go to the Asian Market.  We always buy a big tub of Nori.  Nori is dried strips of seaweed.  Sometimes we get teriaki flavored nori. Sometimes we buy plain.  My kids eat it like potato chips.  The whole tub never lasts more than a day.  I never eat any.

Sometimes we buy dried cuttlefish.  It's like fish jerky.  And it stinks.  Sometimes it is sugared.  Sometimes it is spiced with pepper.  It always SMELLS BAD.  Kids love it.  Not me.

We buy seaweed jelly to eat on rice.  I mean, for them to eat on rice.  It smells AWFUL. 

We always buy a tray of mochi.  Mochi is a soft doughy rice cake with sweet bean filling in the middle.  It's the consistency of a marshmallow.  It's actually pretty good, and I do eat it when we buy it.  I eat one.  Jojo will eat the whole tray if we let him.

The kids LOVE salted plums.  Salted plums are plums that have been soaked in a peppery brine for weeks, then dried.  They look like something studied in medical school.  They are so salty, my blood pressure rises just looking at the bag.

If my in-laws are coming to visit, we buy arare.  (Pronounced Ar-Ra-de)  That's flavored rice crackers with soy nuts, wasabi peas and dried fish.  Whole dried fish.  With heads and tails.  And eyes.  I love the crackers.  Love the soy nuts.  Love the wasabi peas.  The dried fish?  Not so much.  So I give them to the kids and they gobble them up like the good little nihonjin they are.

We also buy a jar of kimchi.  Kimchi isn't Japanese, but it's very stinky.  It is also very yummy, and even I like it.  I prefer the stink of kimchi over the stink of nori. 

I am glad my kids like Japanese and Asian food.  It's part of their cultural heritage.  Believe me, it's hard to promote Okinawan-Japanese-Hawaiian-Californian heritage in Texas. 


I would feed them Irish food, but the only Irish food I grew up with was Corned Beef & Cabbage, and I hate it.  Plus, cabbage stinks almost as bad as dried cuttlefish.   

I wish we were Italian.  Italian food smells heavenly.