Back to the Routine!

After a week of being a SAHM, I am thrilled to be back at work.  It was great spending time with my littles -- most of the time.  But honestly, we are all pretty sick of each other right  now. 

This morning I eagerly put on my makeup, picked an outfit and got ready for work!  yeay! 

Today was also the first Back-to-School morning in a week.   

Number 1 Son couldn't find his long pants. He had no idea where they would be. "Son. You figured out there was NO SANTA when you were 3. You can't figure out where your goddam pants are????  Did you even LOOK in the drawer?  I didn't think so."

Number 2 Son decides to dance in his underwear all over the house. before, during and after breakfast. I have to tell him over and over and over and OVER to get his clothes on. Then he cried because I yelled.

Number 3 Son acts like he's 6 months old & wants to be carried everywhere. Won't eat his breakfast because he's cold. After he's dressed won't eat it because he's laughing at Number 2  in his underwear.

Husband is yelling at everyone to hurry up.  Yelling at Number 1 Son to get his jacket.  Yelling at Number 2 to put his shoes on.  Yelling at Number 3 for spilling his yogurt.  Did it ever occur to Husband to give 1 the jacket, put shoes on 2 or put 3's yogurt in a bowl for them?  No.  Because they are old enough to do it themselves.

I agree.  They are old enough.  But if you want it done with a minimum of shouting and/or tears. . .. it's best to help them out a little.  And you yelling?  That's not helping.

Now I know why Mother drank.

Cold Mornings and Charlie Brown

I planned to write about how I had to pull myself out of bed this morning to go to Vic's Momentum class.  I was going to whine about how hard it was.  I was going to bitch about how I had to leave my warm bed, where my almost-3-year-old was snuggled against me. 

I put the kids in front of the TV so I could write.  Charlie Brown is on.  I love Charlie Brown.   My favorite is Charlie Brown Thanksgiving where snoopy makes the toast and then accidentally toasts his ear.  My second favorite is on It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and Snoopy pretends to be a WWI ace shot down behind enemy lines in France.  I love that. 

My all time favorite, however, is on  Charlie Brown Christmas when all the kids sing Hark the Herald Angels Sing around Charlie Brown's tree.  Admit it.  You just hummed a little to yourself didn't you?

I have been listening to the show the kids are watching so I can come in on my favorite parts.  They aren't watching a real Charlie Brown.  They are watching Snoopy Come Home. 

Snoopy Come Home sucks.

Anyway.  It was cold this morning.  I'm gonna go rescue my kids from that crappy show.

Tighty Whiteys and Why I Enjoy Being a Girl

Sometimes I get a little behind on chores.

Like laundry.

As long as I have reasonably clean uniforms for the kids, socks & unders for the hubs and a clean sports bra for me, I'm usually good.

Never occurred to me that I would run out of panties. 

Wait -- I want all the boys to stop reading right now.  The Bitchy Waiter is funny today.  Go read him. 

Yes, you too Ed.  GO!

OK.

I have 10000 pairs of underwear.  Some are fun & lacy.  Some are thongs.  Some coordinate with a specific bra.  Most are comfy cotton briefs. 

Last night after my shower, I opened the panty drawer and. . . . . .chirp chirp chirp.

Nothing.  Not a thing. Not a thong.  No boyshorts, hipsters, g-strings or briefs. 

In normal circumstances, I would go without.  But it's fright week.  I need unders. 

I had NOTHING.  Just a giant pile of dirty laundry.  I would never wear dirty underwear.  Ok, I would.  I totally would.  But the laundry was especially dirty with wet towels and everything.  So I couldn't even find any not-too-dirty ones.

I had to borrow from Greg.  And Greg has 2 choices:  tighty whiteys or chonies.  Chonies weren't gonna do it for me because they wouldn't hold my . .. um . . products in place.  I figured if Kate Moss could wear T.W.s, I could too.  Because Kate & I are soooooo similar.

I knew boys were different from girls.  I had no idea HOW different. 

They have the whole keyhole thing goin' on.  Because they are too lazy to pull their pants down when they pee.  Know what else?  The leg holes on T.W.s are tight.  I mean -- no elastic.  WTF?  How can they wear these?  And there is about 8 inches of fabric between the legholes.  Their legs are NOT that far apart.  I know they need extra fabric to cover their extra parts, but I had NO IDEA that there was so much fabric down there.  Finally, the waistband?  Definately not designed for girls.  Well, maybe for Kate Moss.  But for girls with hips?  Nope.

So today, I am catching up on my laundry. 

Cotton briefs first. 

 

Thankful for Thy Bounty and the Invention of Cool Whip

At the grocery store today there were thousands of people shopping for their holiday repast.

Why don't they just buy it when they are shopping for their regular groceries like I am?   Why does shopping for turkey require 75% more people?  Admittedly, I was with my 9 year old, but I am usually there with all 3 kiddos, so technically, I had 66% fewer people with me.  I have been at rock concerts with less people than were at the store today. 

It was the Monkees Reunion Tour, but still.   

I made my usual route through the HEB (in South Texas, you can go to any grocery store you want, as long as it's HEB).  I started in paper goods, went through dairy, meat, then circle back for cleaning goods, personal products, pet food, frozen, canned goods, cereal, specialty items, bakery then fresh produce. 

I filled my cart with the usual, plus stuff for Thursday.  A box of stuffing, a huge frozen solid turkey, a can of cranberry sauce, a can of pumpkin, a can of biscuits, and a tub of cool whip.  A big tub of cool whip. 

In the produce section, I found sweet potatoes, haricot verts (or, as I like to call them: green beans), lettuce, tomato, a star fruit, lemons and oranges.  My son wanted the star fruit.  What the hell, it's only once a year.  I'll pay $3 for a pretty fruit that no one is really going to eat. 

My oldest and I discussed Thanksgiving.  We discussed the brutal winter the pilgrims experienced.  The disease, the squalor.  We discussed the trials that led to the pilgrims going to the New World.  The prejudice and the political oppression.  My 9 year old is really, really smart.  He is more than up for a discussion on the Geopolitics of 1659 and the repercussions for modern western civilization. 

It occurred to me that the pilgrims wouldn't recognize anything that we were buying in their honor.  Most of it was canned or boxed or shrink wrapped.  Most of it has added salt or sugar or colors.  Even the vegetables were prettier and more processed than the stuff they ate.   I mean, seriously -- canned cranberry sauce? 

When I was about 12, I got in big trouble because I mashed the cranberry sauce in the bowl so it would look more "natural".  My dad said I "ruined" it and had to run to the 7-11 to get another can because in those days grocery stores were not open on Thanksgiving.  I think he paid like $3.25 for that can of cranberry sauce.

I have a vegetarian friend who buys organic and wouldn't eat anything that I bought.  She is very true to the idea of clean food, as close as possible to its natural state.  She bemoans the state of food in this country.  I am very thankful for this friend.  I am also thankful that I am not eating Thanksgiving with her.  (Just kidding M!  You can come to our house if you want!  Bring your own dinner, 'kay?)

I am also very thankful that the bounty we receive is nothing like the Pilgrims.  I don't have to kill anything.  I don't have to clean much.  I just open the can, and yum. 

I just hope the Cool Whip lasts until Thanksgiving. 

Maintain-No Gain

There is a new challenge put forth by my awesome employer:

The Holiday Challenge:  Maintain-No Gain.

They say that the average American will gain 8-10 lbs during the holiday season.

Of course I am always above average.

For those of us participating, we weigh in on Friday, then we weigh in AGAIN on January 13.  If we maintain our weight within 2lbs, we get a t-shirt.

I guess if we lose 5 lbs, no t-shirt.  Oh well.

I wonder if I can weigh in naked.  Hmmmm. . . .

Personal Best part II

There is a reason why I rarely post on weekends.

It's because of my miracle baby.

He really is a miracle. The doctor told me that I was too old and too fat to have any more kids.  He didn't say it just like that, but that's what he meant.

When we found out about baby #ooops, my husband said "get a new OB".  I did, and I love her.

She didn't say I was too old and too fat, she said that my age carried certain risks.  And she tested me for everything.

At 13 weeks, I thought I lost him.

He's my third kid.  I've been through this before.  I won't tell you exactly what my symptoms were because they are very personal.  And also really, really gory.  But I was certain that my oooops was gone.

Of course, I had an ultrasound to make sure.

And he was ALIVE!  And he was perfect!  And he stayed perfect! 

And now he's a very normal, healthy almost 3 years old.

And he is the reason I can't get ANYTHING done on the weekends.

He wants to sit on my lap whether I am watching TV, reading, on the computer or in the john.  That's right.  He wants to sit on my lap when anyone else would have to hold their breath just to walk into the room.  Sometimes -- not often -- Greg will let me lock the bedroom door.  Then I get to go potty and read.  Pure luxury. 

Anyway, before Mr. Miracle kept leaning on the keyboard, I was TRYING to tell you about my 5K.

I jogged the whole way (except for about 100 yards when I had something in my shoe).  Three laps.    Three. 

It took a loooooooooooong time. 

As I was starting lap #3, Victor told me that the 5K was actually a 5+K.  A 5K is 3.1 miles.  Apparently 3 laps around our campus is 4.2 miles.  Wow.

My personal best was really a personal best!

And of course, at the finish line, people were cheering me on.  I think they may have been thinking "For God's sake when is she going to get here?  We can't sit here all day."  If they were thinking that, they didn't let on.  They were super awesome. 

The best part was that Gabe won!  (remember him? the meanest ever?) He won the whole thing!  He ran 4.2 miles in like 20 minutes.  I can't even drive that fast.  He rocks.

After the race, I came home to my family.  I sat on the couch.  I tried to get up. I screamed in pain.

Apparently, running 4.2 miles makes you really really sore.

And it chafes a little. 

So I spent the rest of the weekend holding my miracle baby.

Personal Best

I ran my (technically) 4th 5K yesterday. 

I actually jogged it.

I jogged the WHOLE way.  (except for 100 yards when I had to shake something out of my shoe).

I ran with my friend Kathy, the one who has been training with the Couch to 5K program.  I started jogging, she started walking, within 5 minutes she was faaaarr ahead of me.  See you in about an hour, friend!

Actually, I have lots to tell you, but right now the almost 3 year old and the 5 year old are hanging off on me like Spanish moss. 

So I have to tell you later. 

Dammit!