I'm Not Gay, But. . .

Gabe has been on a well deserved vacation. 

He got to spend time with his lovely wife and gorgeous kiddos instead of his foul mouthed, sweaty clients.

He gave me homework, of course.

And I didn't do most of it, of course.  (Hello???  If I could work out on my own I wouldn't need Gabe!)

Because Gabe is on vacation, I had to turn to Vic.  Vic has a Transformation class at 5 am.  Or, as I like to call it:  THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

So I got up at 4:30 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT and snuck out of the house like a teenager going to a keg party full of college students.

Only there was no beer.

And no college students.

There WERE a couple of College professors.  (Holla Dr. T!)

Sleepy as I was, it was great to see my friends.  Mary, Carrie,  Tony, Anna, Jules. . . Fun people.  Doing abs.

So I started doing them too.

Then Kelley joined us.  She had on an ADORABLE pair of black & white swirly pattern capris. 

She muttered something about not being able to find anything else to wear, but I thought they were cute.

Vic had us do all kinds of squatty jumpy lungie owie things.  Lots of stick your butt out and get low-low-low-low kinda stuff.

Kelley's pants were distracting. 

So I kept looking at her butt.

And her butt?  Tight.  Firm.  Shapely. 

I didn't want to creep her out by looking at her butt, so I averted my eyes and they landed on Mary's butt. 

Tight.  Firm.  Shapely.

Dangit.  Look away!

Carrie.  Jules.  Anna.

Tight.  Round.  Defined.

Geesus.  What's gotten into me?

So I look for Tony.  I'll feel comfortable ogling him.

He's wearing baggy sweats.  Dammit Tony.

What can I say?  My friends have been working out with Vic and it shows. 

Clearly Vic is an ass man.  I didn't know I was too.

Well Played Clark Kent. . .

I always thought that Superman was so stooopid because how could Lois Lane not know that Clark Kent was Superman?

His "disguise" was glasses.

D-U-M dumb.

But then today. . . . .

The messy, trendy, fun Color Me Rad 5K came to our town.

Color Me Rad is a race that travels around the country.  It's just like most other 5Ks except its HUGE -- we had about 6200 people there this morning.

Where are you people when we do the rest of our 5Ks?

Also, the fun of CMR is the color.   Runners are dusted, squirted, and bombed with vibrant colors. 

Here is how I looked BEFORE:



Yes -- those are boxers.



Here is AFTER:

Purty
 

Notice the sunglasses? 

Everyone had to wear them to protect our eyes from all the color.

I was looking forward to seeing all my friends there.  I knew they were there -- Facebook has been buzzing about it for weeks.

I was running with my friend Kathy -- this was her FIRST 5K!  Whoot!  I wanted to introduce her to all my fitness friends.

But I didn't see hardly anyone!  I saw Sarah, & Mark, & Omar & Mendy.  Kathy saw a couple of her friends, but that was it.

I thought maybe people were dodging me on purpose. 

But my friends aren't assholes like that.

I didn't get it.

Until the aftermath.

My friends were there.  ALL Of them.  Amy, Dee, Mary, Rachel, Lisa, Marjorie, Oakley, Robert, Michelle. . .everybody was there.

But they were wearing sunglasses.

And I didn't recognize them.

My husband thought that was a stoopid theory.

But I can prove it.

My friend Michelle posted a pic on FB.  She's the one in the middle.

I AM RIGHT BEHIND HER.

See the girl with the white bow in her hair?  That's Kathy.  See the girl in the boxers right in front of Kathy, kinda blocked by Michelle's friend?

Me.

Clark Kent knew what he was doing.