Monday, February 28, 2011

I need your feedback


I have been out of pocket for a few days. 

You just thought "Finally, she gets a life" didn't you? 


Anyway -- I had family visiting from Chicago.  We had so much fun I didn't even check my Facebook.

And I ALWAYS check my Facebook.

Obviously, if I haven't checked Facebook, I haven't come up with a blog topic. 

This isn't a problem except that when you don't post frequently, your blog scoots way down the blog rolls. 

So here's what I need from you:

When I (occasionally) get a life, would you rather I:

a. just post when my schedule allows.

b. re-post an oldie.

Thanks for letting me know!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I have a confession to make. 

This is so embarrassing.

I have never seen The Bachelor.

I've never seen Brothers & Sisters either. 

Or Jersey Shore.  Or Real Housewives of Anywhere.  I've never seen Law & Order or Larry the Cable Guy.  I've never even seen Sex in the City.  (Well, I've seen the movies.  But not the show.)

It's not that I don't watch TV.  I totally do.  I've seen a lot of iCarly (which we hate and won't let the kids watch any more.).  I've seen all the episodes of the Suite Life on Deck, and most of the Ghost Hunters.  I've watched Top Shot, Chopped and Pawn Stars.

I watch what the boys want to watch.

I live with four males and one TV.

I don't want another TV.  Another TV would just mean husband in one room, kids in the other.  And Mom still doesn't get to watch any girl shows.

I wouldn't care, except that I am missing some key Pop Culture references.  I love pop culture. 

So. In an effort to regain ground with my contemporaries,  I need your help.  What is the ONE show that every middle income woman aged 35-50 must watch?

Together, we can overcome this horrible deficiency.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Real Challenge

Why is it that I can run laps with a sledgehammer, do triceps curls until my arms burn, run a 5K and push a Chevy down the street, but I can't keep my face out of the Valentine's candy?

Conversation Hearts?  SO yummy. 

Wait -- they are NOT yummy.  They are foul. 

I've eaten like 6 boxes of them this week.  Because no one seems to give out chocolate for valentines day anymore.

If I am going to reach my goal of weighing what I weighed when I married, then I am going to have to re-think the conversation hearts. 

Which sucks. 

Because I love those foul little things.

Monday, February 14, 2011

My Valentine to V-Fit

I went to the doctor today.

Not Dr. Jellyfinger, the other one. (Sorry Shawn.  I couldn't resist)

Since I last saw this doctor, I have lost 25 lbs and my blood pressure is way down. 


THIS is the reason I have been doing this:

Yes, I am carrying a TIRE over my head.

 What rhymes with TRUCK?  Exactly. 
The doctor was very encouraged. 

Her: "Yeay YOU!  You've been exercising!"

Me: "I have!"

Her: "And watching what you eat!"

Me:  "ummmmm, no.  We're not there yet."

Her:  "OK. But we need to get there, OK?"

Me:  "Ummmmm. . . I pushed a truck."

So I am happy with this mini-victory.  So Happy Valentine's Day Vic, Gabe, Ricky & Mari!  (You haven't heard me mention Mari?  Sorry.  She's adorable.  But not in a Vic way.  So you can understand why I don't blog about her.  Heh.)

I pink-puffy-healthy-heart you guys!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

A Repost

Too lazy to come up with something new, I am re-posting an oldie.  I liked this one, but my mom says I swear too much.  So, if swearing offends you, please don't read this, 'kay?

I don't know why this bugs me so much, but it does.

I mean RANKLES. Annoys. Irritates. Bothers. Frustrates. Grates, peeves and vexes.

A few times a year, I decide enough is enough and I work on my fitness. I vow to eat better, exercise more and embrace a healthier lifestyle. My goal is health, you understand. If I am a few dress sizes smaller, so be it.

Fitness shows. It shows in the way your clothes fit. It shows in what you eat & drink. It shows in how you feel. It shows.

And when people compliment me on it, I want to scream.


"Oh my God you are getting so skinny!" (I am a size twenty-fucking-two. On what universe is that skinny?)

"You look great! Keep it up!" (Keep it up? If you like someones hair color, would you tell them to keep it up? "Love the blond, Carmen! Keep it up girl! Don't let those roots creep back down! Get yourself to the stylist! And don't forget to condition!!" Seriously? Seriously. Pisses me off.)

"You are so good!" ( Well, fuck you very much. Know what? Fitness is not a moral issue. I am no better than I was 10 lbs ago. Mother Teresa was good. I'm just doing my best.)

And then there are the affiliators. These are the people who want to make sure you know that they understand. They've been there. Unless you've lived a good part of your life as a size 20 or larger? You haven't been here. Affiliators say shit like this:

"I just lost 20 lbs -- I was disgusting!" ( Pedophiles are disgusting. Fat people are not.)

"What worked for me was I just cut my fruit up as soon as I came home from the grocery store & put it in the fridge, so my snack was all ready." (The person who makes this comment is always someone who went from a size 6 to a size 4. Always. No wonder I am a size 24. My fucking fruit isn't cut up.)

"If I need to lose a few lbs, I just don't eat lunch for a few days." (That's my husband. He's a man. He's Japanese -- well, technically, he's Okinawan -- I mean ethnically he's Okinawan because he was born in California. But back to the point. Japanese-Okinawan MEN do not have weight problems so shuthefuckup.)

I guess what I am trying to say is: I am going to be exercising. I am modifying my food choices. I am going to look different. If you like it, tell me I look fabulous.

Then shut up.

P.S. - do I still feel this way, even after all my working out?  Yes.  Shaddap.  But thanks for the support.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Well sit right down and hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip. . .

We have all three seasons of Gilligan's Island on DVD. My kids love Gilligan. He's hilarious.

I spent much of my childhood watching Gilligan's Island re-runs.  It totally shaped my world view.

I thought Ginger Grant was the epitome of femininity.  She was so glamorous.  She was beautiful. She had red hair.  She had sex appeal. She also had those stabby-stabby long nails. Mary Ann did too, but Ginger's were stabbier than Mary Ann's.

I didn't know then that most guys thought Mary Ann was the hot one.  They thought Ginger was a skank.

Because she totally was.  I just didn't know.

Watching the show again after soooo many years, I find myself wondering:

1. In every episode, Ginger used her "sex appeal" to get the men to do whatever it was she wanted them to do, but it never worked.  Why didn't she ever try something else? 

2. Were Gilligan and Mary Ann stoned in every episode, or just the ones where Mary Ann made coconut cream pies? 

3.  How come Ginger, Mary Ann & the Howells change their clothes all the time, but Gilligan, the Skipper and the Professor always wear the same thing?

4. There are 2 kinds of episodes:  one where they have a plan to get rescued, but fail; and one where they face certain doom that never materializes.  Why didn't they just realize that the Professor doesn't know what the hell he was talking about?

5.  How come no one is tan?

6. How come everyone is always clean-shaven -- both men and women?

7. Who hooked up with who?

8.  How come the Howells don't have any kids?

9. How did Mary Ann & Ginger handle their monthlies?  They always seem so spring fresh.

10. Why was the skipper still fat after eating nothing but fruit for 3 seasons?  That would totally be me.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Stylish Blogger

I got another FUN award!

Mommy A from Being Veruca gave me this award:

You know I love getting awards.  I love it!  Look for Being Veruca on my blog roll!

I now have to tell you 7 things about myself. I blog pretty much everything, so you may know some of this already, but. . . .

1.  I have lived in Illinois twice, Texas twice, Colorado, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, California and Arizona.

2. I have never been outside of the country.  That's embarrassing.  I like to think of myself as uber-cosmopolitan, but I am about as cosmopolitan as a screwdriver.  (Get it?  Get it? HAHAHHA)

3. If I write a post I think is funny, I read it over and over hoping for new commenters to tell me how hysterical I am.  Insecure much?

4. I gave up booze with no trouble.  Giving up diet pop and desserts seem to be completely beyond me.

5.  I think Tony Danza has aged really really well and if I hadn't married Greg, I would seriously consider Tony.  Even though he's kinda too old for me. 

6.  I was in the Junior League.   I got dishonorably discharged.  But not for something cool like telling all the snobby beeches to get a life.  Most of the women in the League are really, really cool.  (At least in Corpus Christi).  I got dishonorably discharged because I missed my meeting quota and was too lazy to make them up. 

7.  I cry every time I hear a patriotic song.  Proud to be an American makes me blubber like a tired toddler.

So there are my seven. Now I get to bestow upon 5 fellow bloggers this same honor.

1. Kathryn at Livin' Life the Smart Way!  She my friend IRL, and my running buddy. 

2. Miss Sweet Tea at Sweet Tea Diaries.  She's just ADORABLE!

3. Fuck My Table.    Do I really need to say anymore?

4. Nicki from The Loaded Handbag.  Smart, funny and takes incredible photos.  I have a major girl-crush on her.

5. Rae at Rae's Randomness.  Rae is my cousin-in-law and an incredible person.  Love her!

Thank you Mommy A!