Thursday, June 28, 2012

Reposting. . . Because It Happened Again

Sometimes I get a little behind on chores.

Like laundry.

As long as I have reasonably clean uniforms for the kids, socks & unders for the hubs and a clean sports bra for me, I'm usually good.

Never occurred to me that I would run out of panties.

Wait -- I want all the boys to stop reading right now. The Bitchy Waiter is funny today. Go read him.

Yes, you too Ed. GO!


I have 10000 pairs of underwear. Some are fun & lacy. Some are thongs. Some coordinate with a specific bra. Most are comfy cotton briefs.

Last night after my shower, I opened the panty drawer and. . . . . .chirp chirp chirp.

Nothing. Not a thing. Not a thong. No boyshorts, hipsters, g-strings or briefs.

In normal circumstances, I would go without. But it's fright week. I need unders.

I had NOTHING. Just a giant pile of dirty laundry. I would never wear dirty underwear. Ok, I would. I totally would. But the laundry was especially dirty with wet towels and everything. So I couldn't even find any not-too-dirty ones.

I had to borrow from Greg. And Greg has 2 choices: tighty whiteys or chonies. Chonies weren't gonna do it for me because they wouldn't hold my . .. um . . products in place. I figured if Kate Moss could wear T.W.s, I could too. Because Kate & I are soooooo similar.

I knew boys were different from girls. I had no idea HOW different.

They have the whole keyhole thing goin' on. Because they are too lazy to pull their pants down when they pee. Know what else? The leg holes on T.W.s are tight. I mean -- no elastic. WTF? How can they wear these? And there is about 8 inches of fabric between the legholes. Their legs are NOT that far apart. I know they need extra fabric to cover their extra parts, but I had NO IDEA that there was so much fabric down there. Finally, the waistband? Definately not designed for girls. Well, maybe for Kate Moss. But for girls with hips? Nope.

So today, I am catching up on my laundry.

Cotton briefs first. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012

11th Heaven

I love working out with the V Fit guys.  They are amazing trainers, they have pushed me past my limits and helped me lose close to 50 lbs. 

The latest innovation at V Fit is that they have put a studio on the 11th floor of Spohn Hospital on Shoreline.  For those of you not familiar with Corpus Christi, TX, Shoreline runs along the Corpus Christi Bay.  It's a beautiful, palm lined avenue with great vistas of the Bay, the Marina, and our city skyline. 

Gorgeous, right?

I love that they are there because Spohn Shoreline is really close to my house.  No more driving all the way out to the Island!!  Being on the 11th floor, the studio has a 360 panoramic view of the bay and the city.  The other studio doesn't have a view at all, unless Lee is working out.  Lee has incredible arms.  Drool worthy arms.  Sigh. . .

Anyway, the view at Shorline is much prettier. 

And of course Shoreline has GABE!  Gabe the Silent Assasin!  Gabe the man who got me to do push ups from my toes.  I love working with Gabe. 

The thing about Gabe is, he makes me do really, really, really hard things.  Like doing a walkout with a pushup.  Twenty times.  Or doing 200 burpees.  Or making me curl 40 lbs but having to do it on my tiptoes. 

Or climbing 11 flights of stairs to get to him.

I wonder if I can get Lee to start working out at Shoreline.  Might as well make the 11 story climb worth it.   

Monday, June 18, 2012

And I Love Him. . .

It's really late, and I just got back from school.

So this will be brief.

Today James Paul McCartney is 70 years old.

Paulie, Sir Paul, The Cute Beatle. .  .I love him.

I've loved Paul McCartney since I was about 12.

I was born during the last 2 weeks of 1965, so any Beatle music I heard first hand was WAY before I can remember.

Yet somehow, I spent my middle school years a raving Beatlemaniac. 

My friends Carolyn & Mary & I would go to BeatleFest each year.  BeatleFest was a convention that descended on downtown Chicago for three days.

We went all three days.

One year, Mike McCartney -- or Mike McGear, as he is known professionally -- spoke at BeatleFest.  He is Paul's younger brother & looks EXACTLY LIKE HIM, only blond.  We waited in line to get his autograph, and dared each other to ask for a kiss.

I was first, so I said "I'm supposed to ask for a kiss".

And he kissed me. 

On the mouth.

No tongue though.

In my mind,  I kinda made out with Paul McCartney's brother.

I was 13 and it was the hottest experience I had ever experienced. (And remained the hottest experience for about 6 years.) 

We went to see BeatleMania when it played Chicago.  Mary & I got front row seats and screamed the WHOLE time.  Part of the show involved the actors tossing a green apple to each other.  After their encore, the actor who played Paul threw the apple to ME.

I still have that apple.

I never stopped loving him. 

I love his music.  I love his sense of humor.  I love the beautiful marriage and family he had with Linda.  I loved Wings -- not as much as the Beatles, but London Town is a damn fine album.

I love everything about Paul except for his horrid second wife.  Good Riddance to Bad Trash is all I can say about her.  Oh, and I can also say that she is an evil harpie who I hope is riddled with canker sores all over her face for the rest of her life. 

His third wife seems like a nice companion in his final years.  She better be. 

So happy birthday Paulie.

Used without permission.  In all fairness, I did google "Royalty Free Images". . .


I Love You


Saturday, June 16, 2012

My Dream of Clean

My dream is that I am going to prepare a "clean" meal and find out that it is cravable. 

Cravable in "Wet Italian Beef with sweet peppers & jardiniere" or "Deep Fried Avocado" or even "Green Chicken Curry". 

So far, I have made several tasty meals -- some even involving fish. 

Today was salmon roasted with egg plant and cherry tomatoes.  Topped with fried garlic and fresh basil.  It was tasty. We all enjoyed it.  Even this kid:

Our first foray into the salmon world.

It was good.

It was clean.

But not cravable.  Yet.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

My Best Blogging

Sometimes I do my best writing when I'm commenting on other people's blogs.

To whit:

My Maiden name began with a Z.

I spent my childhood as the last in line for everything.

It was scarring, and probably one of the reasons I was attracted to my husband. He could give me children, and as someone whose last name started with A, he could move me to the front of the line.

Penwasser place – April 30th, 2012


I missed you SO MUCH!

I know you will rock the skirt. $15 & change for any garment makes it instantly wonderful, IMHO.

I am a little embarrassed to tell you that I don't know who those boys are. . .but yes, they are real cute.

If you ever spot Tony Danza at a restaurant, will you tell him that I have had a crush on him since I was 12?


Annabel manners, September 12, 2011

Where to begin?

1. Dollar dances

2. "registered at Macy's" cards fluttering out of the invitation

3. Jack & Jill showers

4. Buffets

5. cummerbunds that match the bridesmaid's dresses

6. bridesmaids in unflattering and obviously uncomfortable dresses

7. brides with arms like mine who wear dresses designed for brides with arms like Michelle Obama's.

Annabel Manners June 2011

Natalie Portman should have just worn a T-Shirt with the word BABY and a down arrow. Same effect

Annabel Manners January 17, 2011


Bitchypants May 3, 2012

1. As a practicing Catholic, I make Easter all about Jesus and then I don’t have to worry about that fucking bunny.

Haven’t figured out how to do the same with the goddam tooth fairy, but what the hell.

Who needs all those Jelly beans? Me.


4. Andi — you know damn well you can pee while standing. Any woman who has ever peed at a truck stop has peed while standing.

And that toy you bought zachy is not a doll. It’s an action figure.

Or it’s a doll. . .who the fuck cares? I know. Men care.

I bet that action figure can stomp the hell outta some leggos. That’ll show ‘em!

1. 11/29/11

2. Awwww. . . I love little boy voices!

Mine are also as different from each other as yours. #1 is a brainiac. #2 is mister imagination and #3 is the performer.

Each definitely has the best of both of us. Each also gets some of the worst of both of us. And each has some characteristic that makes us go.” . . .wait. . .wtf?”



One year I smooshed up the canned sauce so it would look “real”. My dad said I ruined it and went to the convenience store to get another can.

Your mom sounds awesome!

I’m thankful for you cyber-friend

And I LOVE that you found some voice again. Funny thing about blogging is that it's not always about the writing, but about the conversation. Makes me wonder how Sylvia Plath or Eudora Welty or Mark Twain or ANY pre-blog writer was able to write without feedback from people who just felt like sharing.

If -- and when -- you blog, I will read.

May 10, 2012 One Chunky Mama


I've got more -- will post 'em later.