Monday, May 28, 2012

Things I Can't Say on Facebook


I have to get these out or I will explode:

"Your son looks very handsome, but WTF is his date wearing?"

"She made you carry PARASOLS in her wedding?  In 2012?  That would pretty much end it for me.  You are a good sport."

"You don't like Obama.  I get it."

"You don't like George Bush.  I get it."

"I am NOT sharing that shit"

"Why am I looking at a photo of your dinner AGAIN?"

"I agree that positive comments are nicer to read than negative comments, but you are WAY overdue to say something snarky.  Your posts make me wanna puke."

"So you de-friend people just because they disagree with you?  I disagree with you all the time.  When I DON'T comment on your post?  It's frequently because I disagree with it."

Your pregnancy was interesting for the first 13 months.  Now?  We're over it.

"You know, you are overdue to say something kind.  You're being an asshole"

"I love to follow your fitness journey.  But is that all you ever talk about?  Geez mix it up, will ya?"

"Who are you again and why are you asking me to friend you?"

"Why did you post that self portrait?  You are much better looking than that IRL."


Usually, I post my blogs on Facebook. 

Not this one!

11 comments:

  1. That's why I have TWO Facebook accounts. Al Penwasser can pretty much say anything he wants. Although I really don't like to get into politics. Not a big fan of "Facebook spatting."

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  2. What can we add to that? Hmmmmm.... ...on my other FB acocunt (the one that you don't know about, hee hee, and I can guarantee wouldn't want to know about because I don't want to know about it and can't believe those people are actually my friends, boy does RL suck, I wish you lived closer because I would rather hang out with you in real life...) I find myself not saying:

    YOU ARE SELF-INDULGENT GARBAGE AND YOUR LIFE IS NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH THAT YOU SHOULD FEEL OBLIGATED TO SHARE THIS SHIT. No one cares.

    Also: I HATE YOUR FUCKING CATS. Not the thirty-thousand pictures of them posted daily but THE CATS THEMSELVES, and the status-updates about how their queer little antics.

    Oh, and also: I would like to select homosexual acquaintances of mine: I get it, you're REALLY GAY. Cool it with the rainbows. COOL IT.

    That felt so good. You should make this a regular segment...

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    Replies
    1. I love this list. I would add, please stop telling us how great your dog is and how everyone should have one. No, everyone should not have a dog. I don't want one, therefore I should not have one. And, I do my own Bible reading, I don't need you to post yours every day. Thanks just the same.

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  3. I have a few:

    1. If you are going to defriend me because of my political positions, you really can do it quietly, I really don't need to read a page long message from you saying I am going to hell for not supporting the "right guy". (Oh, wait, I may have used this as a status update.)

    2. Fathers, where the heck are you when your daughter is leaving the house in *that* to go to prom? My bath towel covers more.

    3. You are 27 years old, really too old to be watching cartoons at every chance you get.

    4. In the same breath, for the love of all that is good, please quit watching Fox News in between episodes of Captain America.

    5. You are much better than that, dump your boyfriend, now.

    6. Girl, please don't sleep with him, you will end up pregnant and alone. (And yes, she did, and she is.)

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  4. OK, why are we not Facebook friends???

    I was going to add to this, but you covered them all. :)

    Also, between the people whose newsfeeds I've hidden from my wall, and the people who have (I can only assume) hidden my newsfeeds from their wall, I'm pretty much down to people who are either never ever on Facebook or people who already agree with me.

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    Replies
    1. Giftoffat.com actually has a FB page -- "like" me! I just don't know how to put the link on my blog.

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  5. I'm with Alexa! We need to be FB buddies.

    I usually say what I'm thinking unless it's *really* mean. Friends know how I am so it's kind of expected.

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  6. I can't find your FB page to like! What is it called? I searched "gift of fat."


    WAIT OMG I JUST FOUND IT! I did a sneaky google search ("site:facebook.com") and it turned it right up. So I guess I'm your stalker now. I'm pretty proud.

    ReplyDelete

I LOVE to read comments. Seriously. I check them every day. Insecure? Maybe.