Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I am a Dirty, Dirty Girl

I have been working out REALLY HARD since July 2010.

I joined Weight Fucking Watchers.

I quit Weight Fucking Watchers.

I ran 14 5Ks and a 10K.

I joined Weight Fucking Watchers again. 

I stopped drinking ALL POP in February 2012.

I quit Weight Fucking Watchers again.

I stopped eating dessert (mostly). 

I'm still fat.

Then I read this on my friend' Jaimie's Facebook page.

I felt like someone was speaking to my secret soul.

It was like an epiphany:  I'm still fat because of what I'm eating!

Stop saying "No Shit, Sherlock".  That's not what I mean.

What I mean is that all this Weight-Fucking-Watchers crap and their 100 calorie treat bullshit and their frozen meals and special scales and cookware and all that other crap is not going to get rid of my fat.

For someone who has 30lbs or less to lose, WFW is a good solution.. 

For some of us chronically obese, it's a tease.

We need to eat whole food.  "Clean" food.  Real food. 

That's the solution.

The problem is, I am a dirty, dirty girl.

I don't cook, I assemble.  Open this can, open that can, heat and serve.

Before I had kids, our refrigerator had staples like anchovy paste and balsamic vinegar.

Now we have cream of mushroom soup and Kraft mac & cheese. 

Remember the pink slime headlines a few months ago?  Some people were really grossed out.  Me?  I was all 'Who wants McDonald's?"

I love dirty food.

Frozen White Castle Cheeseburgers.  Spaghetti-O's.  Pop Tarts.  Frosted Flakes.  Hungry Man Enchilada Dinner.  Kettle Corn.  Oreos.  Flour tortillas.  I could go on and on and on.

Let me be clear -- I do NOT eat that stuff every week.  I won't even let Frosted Flakes or Pop Tarts in the house.  But I am not above opening a can of something and eating it.  And really enjoying it.

But it's keeping me fat. 

Even if I only eat it sometimes.

So we're cleaning up.  I can't go cold turkey.  I'm an American for Chrissake. 

But I'm trying.

And it's really, really hard.


  1. If you're dirty, then I guess I'm filthy!!

    I'm so with you on this one, Sista! I find it best to just not have it in the house, because I have absolutely NO control. I'm a sad case. :(

    I think it's going to get bad now that Brian went back to Hong Kong. While he was here, I tried to make a home-cooked, from scratch meal every night. Now that he's gone, I'm not above cereal for dinner. Now if I can just convince the other two I have to feed...

    1. It's EXHAUSTING to plan, shop and prepare healthy meals. It just pisses me off. I really feel like I earned a size 12, ya know? But here I am hovering at 18-20. . . I used to be 24-26, but still.

  2. We really like the low fat e-mealz. Plus it makes your shopping list for you. also, sometimes stuff is still in cans.

    1. e-mealz has a new "clean" menu! I'm thinking about going back to them. (I join & quit them all the time)

  3. Don't give up. You can do this. Find what you like. I NEVER make those (stupid) VFit meals. If it has more than five ingredients, you've lost me...just stick to the basics and find what you like. Take the most delicious salad, leant o make it in five minutes and have it a few nights a week for dinner. If I were you, I would TOTALLY eat two tacos from Taco Bell for lunch and never feel guilty. Eat an apple on top of those tacos and I guarantee you'll feel full. And drink lots of water. My go-to snack? Apples and celery sticks with peanut butter. Love you!

  4. YAY! I finally learned to publish comments!

  5. Mary, I think you've just inspired my next post! I could go on and on and ON about this! I work so hard to cook healthy meals--well, I FEEL like I work hard at it. I work hard at thinking about doing it. And I do pretty well--we have greens almost every night, fruit every day, we don't have juice or soda in the house, and my kid has never been to McDonalds (I'm sorry, I know you love it, but that place is poison!).

    STILL, my daughter says, "Mommy, which box did this come from?" and I find myself saying things like, "You can't have dessert until you finish your macaroni and cheese!"

    It's hard. Remember that it's also a process. Like you said, you can't go cold turkey. Go easy on yourself and your family. Make a specific and do-able plan--something like nixing one pre-packaged meal item and adding one whole-food meal item per week. Or have one whole-food item per meal. I don't think it matters what you plan, as long as you have a specific plan that allows you to track your progress.

    Keep us posted, please! I am rooting for you!

  6. No poptarts?!? That's just wrong!!! LOL!!!!

  7. Seriously, you're making me hungry. Even though I'm babysitting right now and I've spent the entire afternoon eating the same garbage that I cook for the four year old (obviously by 'garbage' I mean banquet chicken/Mac and Cheese) I could go for a poptart and some Juicy-Juice fruit punch right now...

    Y'know what? Not a bad idea...

  8. We are all guilty of the "it's too much trouble to cook a meal, let's order pizza!" so don't feel bad about that. It's extremely difficult to lose weight because our society really makes it so easy to be unhealthy. Also? Eating unhealthy is cheap. Hello McDonald's Dollar menu!

    Now that you're more aware of the trick of the food trade though, you are prepared for battle. YOU CAN DO IT, MARY!!

  9. I have exactly the same problem. Part of it is that canned goods keep so well and don't go to waste. I bought tons of fresh produce last Friday, then my husband when to Houston on business. So now I have cucumbers, lettuce, squash, tomatoes, etc. that I'll never be able to eat before they spoil. Maybe some of the neighbors will want some.



    But I used to eat a lot more canned/processed shit. Even when I got obsessed with cooking, I still would cook with crappy canned/frozen/packaged food. What really changed my life -- when I got obsessed with FOOD, not cooking -- was moving somewhere near a farmer's market.

    Coming home with fresh, ripe tomatoes...crisp-tender asparagus...fresh-baked bread...and FRESH EGGS LORD ALMIGHTY...it really changed how I look at "health" food. I don't eat tofu and I don't eat soybeans. But having fresh ingredients in my refrigerator crisper grown by somebody I know (their names are Adam and Megan!) -- somebody who is now a friend -- forces me to eat more veggies and less crap.

    Is it mainly because I have to work to use the produce before it goes bad, so I don't have as much meal space to splurge on fried cheesesticks and chips? Of course. But it works. And yeah, the organic crap may be more expensive, but the standard fresh stuff is often cheaper than the grocery store.

    Bonus? Fresh vegetables? You barely have to cook 'em. Seriously. I throw a fried egg on top of a pile of greens and call it breakfast.

    So what I'm saying here is that I hear ya. I used to come home, throw some frozen chicken nuggets in the oven and call it a day. Now I throw some tomatoes in the oven and call it a day. And I still eat those damn cheesesticks. But in Virginia, I didn't have these crazy markets and friendly farmers. It sucks that I had to move to the city to reconnect with the country. So without access to that stuff...man...you hurt. You eat asparagus from Peru and berries from Chile. And it costs a shitton (because it had to fly frozen from SOUTH AMERICA) and it tastes awful.

    So to recap: fresh tomatoes changed my life. The end. God. That sounds preachy. Can't win this one.

    But I'm rooting for you! Baby steps are key, and meal planning REALLY helps: you know that when you come home, by God, you are making ______. Having new exciting recipes you want to try out is another awesome way to get motivated. Also? Cooking ahead. Cook up a big batch of good stuff on a Sunday and you're set for the week. Derrick and I (granted, we're childless, fussy foodies, so you have every right to roll your eyes and virtually slap me for this entire comment) try to have a designated "cooking session" each week where we cook up good stuff for lunches/ do some prep work for meals later in the week/make up a batch of spaghetti sauce, soup, etc. that'll last us for the week. My freezer is a lifesaver when we're getting home at 7 and I've just sat in traffic for two hours and I want to murder someone. Pull out some frozen homemade soup, throw it in the microwave, and shovel it into my gullet like there's no tomorrow. I don't care that it was made with local kale and mom-and-pop butcher shop sausage. I just care that it's quick, easy, and tastes good.

    I'm forcibly cutting myself off now. Thank you, and goodnight.

    1. Lord. This comment did not look that long when I typed it. Please ignore my novel.

    2. No, I loved it! Because you are right. And it cracks me up that "I had to move to the city to recconect with the country".


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