Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Just Not Ready Yet. . .

Dear Coke Zero --

About getting together on Easter -- I just can't.

I know it's been 2 months already.  But it's too soon.

You ask WHY I won't just be seen with you socially.  Well, my friends say that you aren't good for me.  You cause bloating and sugar cravings and weak bones.  I didn't want to hear it either, but there you go.

The sugar cravings are too your fault.

OK, so they haven't gone away in 2 months.  That is completely beside the point. 

It's not that I don't still love you.  Want you.  Crave you.  I do.  We both know it.

That's why I can't be with you at Easter.  I know everyone else will be around.  But you know what will happen.  It will start out casual, but before you know it, you will be in my mouth and. . . .

STOP.  I am NOT having this conversation with you.

Listen.  If at six months I haven't seen the changes I need, I'll consider coming back to you.

But until then I just can't see you.

Please stop calling out to me when I see you in public. It's embarrassing.

Respect me, OK?

Love

Fondly,

Mary

4 comments:

  1. Bloating, sugar cravings, and weak bones!?
    Oh, my goodne....ohhh, crap!!!
    I just snapped my femur.
    Ow.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hysterical! I'm taking out Coke and replacing it with candy, sugar, potatoes, breads, etc. you get the point....help!

    ReplyDelete
  3. GOOD FOR YOU, WOMAN! You knock that slutty Coke Zero on its ass! Fight the power! Fight the man! FIGHT THE COKE ZERO!

    ReplyDelete

I LOVE to read comments. Seriously. I check them every day. Insecure? Maybe.