Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Psyche Babble

December 7. 2012:

Hit a new personal best.  Down to 241.6.  Whoot!

Then came my birthday. Christmas. New Years. Paul's Birthday.

Fun?  You bet:  Cake.  Ice cream.  Tamales. Chocolate. Welsh Rabbit. Won Tons. Pan Dulce. Caramels. Chips & Queso. Pumpkin Bread.  Carmel Corn. Iced Sugar Cookies.  Candy Apples. Mashed Potatoes. Donuts. I even had a glass of wine.     

But I ran 2 5Ks.  Worked out a LOT.  Ate really well most days.

My stated goal was to maintain, not gain. I didn't expect a big loss.

January 8, 2013:

Hit the scale at 241.2. 

I should be all "Whoo hoo!  I rock!  I did it!"

I want to.  But I'm not. 

I admit it.  I'm disappointed.

Intellectually, I know I should be content with where I am.  I know that if I had weighed in last week, I'd have logged a gain, not a loss.  A teensy tiny loss.

It's my Ugly Secret Self. 

I wasn't going to tell you about her. 

I love the affirmation I get from you guys.  I love to hear about how you decided to try a new exercise or run a 5K because I did it.  I love being a positive role model.

But I have to be honest.  Ugly Secret Self is still here. 

She's the dirty part of me that says "Sure you want healthy blood, strong muscles and great endurance, but what you REALLY want is flat abs and porn-star tits.  You wanna look good naked."

Then she says ". . .face it fatty, even if you got down to 125 lbs, you still won't look good.  You'll still have that spotty red skin and those pathetic man-boobs.  Your nose will still be too long and your chin too pointy and your hair?  Please."

Ugly Secret Self is the one who says "You know what would totally make you feel better?  Chewy Caramels. Ice Cream.  You've done really well, so go ahead and have some. . . .there ya go. . . now a little more. . . a little more. . . oh, you feel sick now?  Maybe it's because you have no self control.  Tsk tsk, you were doing so well too. . . "

I hate Ugly Secret Self!  But sometimes. . . .I believe her.

Like today.

Ugly Secret Self is the reason why managing obesity is more than a matter of diet and exercise.

The hardest part of getting fit is getting that bitch to shut up.


  1. To Mary's secret self: you don't even know our Mary. She's a rock star and she's stunning and she could and will whip your ass! Please don't tell Mary I said these things to you. I want her to like me.

    1. Like you? I friggin LOVE YOU!

      Thanks for the encouragement!

  2. The last couple months of the year are a veritable landmine for those who are watching their weight, huh? Canadian Thanksgiving, Halloween, Thanksgiving starring the Pilgrims, Christmas, and New Years. But, if you can get through them, you can get through anything.
    Until Super Bowl Sunday, St. Valentines Day, St. Patricks Day, Easter, and Memorial Day barbecues.
    Oh, crap.

  3. January is the cruelest month. January is when my bitch of a secret self starts whispering about how fat and jiggly my thighs look, how mannish my face is, how I don't care about the way I look or how dark my roots are or that I really, truly look like a frog in those glasses I insist on wearing.

    We need to buy some muzzles, man. And work hard to gag that bitch. Because no matter what we do it's never gonna be enough to make her quiet, so we just need to stop listening or kick her out. And as soon as I find a way to get that bitch an eviction notice, I'll letcha know.


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