Christmas Zombie

I am one of those sanctimonious souls who constantly bewails the aggressive pre-Halloween marketing of Christmas. 

I'm really kind of a PITA.

I flat out refuse to participate in Black Friday because I find it obnoxious to spend so much time, money and energy on crap no one really needs.

Again, total PITA.

But on the Saturday after Thanksgiving?

I become a Christmas Zombie.

I didn't realize it until I unpacked my groceries a few minutes ago.

I now own:

3 different "Christmas" home fragrances:  Christmas Tree, Cinnamon Sparkle and Candy Cane.

Candy Cane Oreos

Christmas Tree shaped snack cakes to send to school with the boys this week.

Holiday sparkle nail polish

4 "gift sets" of soap, a wash puff and lotion to give to God knows who.  Teachers I guess.  'Cause teachers never get dozens of soaps, lotions and wash puffs every single year. 

A Christmas Cranberry candle.

In my defense, I didn't buy a tree. 

I already have one.

Might put it up tonight. 

What a PITA.

Turkey Chased

Happy Thanksgiving!

I should be cooking and cleaning, but instead I'm trolling Facebook and blogging. 

I did a Turkey Chase this morning.

A Turkey Chase is a cute name for getting up too early on a day off to run 4 miles with 500 people who are faster than me.

Actually, I did not come in last.

Last year, I came in last.  DEAD last.

In 2011 I ran a 5K every single month.

In 2011 I lost a lot of weight.  I got down to 244.  (I know that sounds like a lot, but my highest non-pregnant weight was 298.  That's a lot for a 5'4" woman)

In 2012, I did a 10 K in January, a 5K in the summer and the Turkey Chase today.

Know what? 

If I want to be good at running I need to do more of it.

It's not that I didn't work out this year.  Gabe kicks my ass almost every day.

I kept the weight off.  Well, I put some back on. . .then lost some. . .then added some. . then lost some more, but I just weighed in at 243.

Yeay!  I lost a pound.  This year.

I also worked full time, took a full load at school and was a first-time Scout mom.  I didn't blog much tho.

What I am saying is, I am not beating myself up for not running a lot this year. 

I'm just going to plan to run a lot more next year.

One 5K every month.

November's will be the Turkey Trot. 

I might come in last.

Turkey Trot 2011.  Notice how no one is running BEHIND me.
 

Identity Crisis

Once upon a time I was a blogger.

I had a domain name.

I had followers.  And commenters.  I even got spammed.

I started the blog to talk about why being fat isn't the worst thing in the world.  I wanted to share with the world that being fat has advantages. 

It does.

I found that being fat gave me presence.  And presence gave me courage.  Courage to speak out against bullying, prejudice and hatred.

Size awareness is important to me.  I will continue to write about it often.  But it gets a little. . . strident after a while.

Sometimes you just wanna have fun.

So I wrote fun things.  Silly things.  Tacky things. 

Then I became interested in getting fit, so I wrote about the funny and embarassing and triumphant things that happen to a fat girl who works out. 

I loved writing.

I loved reading the comments and hearing from people that they liked my writing.  I loved the attagirls and the affirmations.  I loved the blog friends I made along the way.

And then. . .

I guess I forgot to pay someone.

My domain name, www.giftoffat.com, suddenly stopped directing to my blog. 

WTF?

Somewhere, somehow, I pointed the domain to a host or somthing and agreed to pay a $10 hosting fee.   When it was time to re-up, my card had expired.  SInce their contact e-mail was one I check every 3 years or so, the message to update the payment expired.  Oops.

Can I find all my user names and passwords?

Uh.  No.

Every time I think I have it handled, Go Daddy says "it may take up to 3 days to respond".  Dude -- in 3 days I'm gonna be doing something else. 

So fuckit.  I'm done.  I need to move on. 

I need to get a new domain name. 

So I'm thinking of giftsoffat.com or thegiftoffat.com.  

Whaddya think?

I'm No Quitter

My brother is getting married in a few weeks.

We're thrilled.

Mostly we're thrilled that he's found such an amazing person to share his life with.

I'm pretty sure my dad is thrilled that he's marrying a girl. 

He's 42.  We were starting to wonder. 

I got these shoes to wear to the wedding:

I thought it might be wise to give these hotties a test drive, as I have been known to . . .um. . . . fall off my shoes. 

So I wore them this week.

I walked.  I twirled.  I swung my feet in the air to show people my cute new shoes.

I felt so sexy.

I felt so TALL.

I felt such pain.

In my toes. 

Those beautiful shoes rub against my big toes. 

By noon, I switched to flats. 

The flats hurt because of the giant throbbing blister on each big toe.

I would drive through the pain, but agony takes some of the sass out of your walk, ya know?

But my toes are better today.

So this weekend I am buying some of those shoe insets that will keep me from sliding forward so much.

And I'm gonna try again on Monday.

Because those shoes are worth it.

And I am NO QUITTER!

Greatest Strength

You know how sometimes your greatest strength is also sometimes your greatest weakness?

Like, people who are really great at being organized sometimes can't just let go and go with the flow?

One of my great strengths is that I am a communicator. 

The correlating weakness:

I have a big fucking mouth.

I don't mean to.  I just can't seem to STFU. 

Anyone ever tackled this before?  Any ideas on how to fix it?

Karma

I recently gave you a "Peek into Purgatory" where I described all the fun things Gabe makes me do on this:

"1. The Box. This is where the Burpees happen. Burpees are the fun thing where Gabe makes you drop to your hands, kick your feet out behind you to a push-up position, then bring your feet back in, then jump. Gabe likes to do sets of 25. Sometimes 30. Sometimes more.

The Box is also for Mountain Climbers and Step Ups. Gabe likes to do those in sets of 50 or 100. I mean, Gabe likes ME to do those in sets of 50 or 100.

Also, Gabe loves to do four sets of everything. Sometimes he likes five sets. Five sets of 30 burpees is 150 burpees. Just in case you hadn't noticed."


Gabe read the post.  Then Karma set in.

Today?  I had to do 300. 

Scared of what I have to do tomorrow.

A Peek at Purgatory

Today Gabe posted a pic of the V-Fit space at Spohn Shoreline.  I've told you about it before.  This is the place I have been working out all summer.

It looks like this:

Lovely, isn't it?  Bright, sunny and roomy.

Let me give you a brief tour:

 

 



1. The Box.  This is where the Burpees happen.  Burpees are the fun thing where Gabe makes you drop to your hands, kick your feet out behind you to a push-up position, then bring your feet back in, then jump.  Gabe likes to do sets of 25.  Sometimes 30.  Sometimes more. 

The Box is also for Mountain Climbers and Step Ups.  Gabe likes to do those in sets of 50 or 100.  I mean, Gabe likes ME to do those in sets of 50 or 100.

Also, Gabe loves to do four sets of everything.  Sometimes he likes five sets.  Five sets of 30 burpees is 150 burpees.  Just in case you hadn't noticed.

2.  The Bosu.  This is a fun toy.  When my kids come with me they LOVE to bounce on the Bosu!  The Bosu is great for increasing stability.  Which is why sometimes Gabe likes me to do Burpees off this instead of the Box.  Sometimes he likes it when I turn the Bosu over and do Sprawls.  Sprawls are kinda like Burpees, only instead of dropping to your hands, you grip the sides of the Bosu, sprawl your legs out, bring them in, then LIFT the Bosu over your head.  One Hundred and Fifty Times.

It's not heavy.  For the first 75 reps.

The Bosu is also used to do push ups -- sometimes your hands are on the bouncy part, sometimes your feet are.  It's used to balance while you do arm curls with 15 lb dumb bells.  Gabe has ALL sorts of fun with the Bosu.

3.  The Bench.  You've heard of the Bench Press.  This is where Gabe gives me 12-20 lb weights and has me press them over my head, or "fly" them (drop my arms to the sides like a cross then pull them over my head) or do "Skull Crushers".  Skull Crushers are where Gabe gives me the heaviest weight he has in stock and hold my arms straight over my face.  Then I bend my elbows back until the weights are behind my head, then I lift the weights back to over my face.  Fear of being permanently maimed is great incentive for hanging on to the dumb bells.

Gabe's favorite use of the Bench is to have me do Dips.  Dips use my own body weight to strengthen my triceps.  I sit on the edge with my palms flat on the bench, fingers curling over the edge.  Then I scoot my butt WAY over the edge and "dip" myself.  Then I straighten up.  Considering my body weight is WAY heavier than anything in the V-Fit arsenal, these are one of Gabe's favorites.

Here is what it looks like:

Oh yeah -- he likes me to keep one foot in the air.  Heh.

 4.  The FLOOR.  While this looks like a lovely, open space, this is where I get to do things like "Suicides", "Bear Crawls", "Walk Outs" and all the fun abdominal exercises.  The Floor is one of the most difficult stations there is.

5. Machines.  What the photo doesn't show you is that around the corner resides dozens of exercise machines.  Some work your abs, some your arms, some do legs.  All are really really hard. 

6. The most terrifying of all:  The Scale.  This is where we measure how far we've come and how far we've got to go.

I hope you enjoyed this little tour of the V-Fit facility.  This area is only a small portion of the whole area, but it's used to its fullest capacity.  Some day, maybe Gabe will post a pic of the elevator bay where he makes his cousin Albert chase me in circles for 45 minutes.  Or the stairway where sometimes people have to walk ELEVEN flights. 

Like the real purgatory, great suffering goes on here.  So too, like the real purgatory, the suffering will one day be rewarded. 

It will, won't it?  Please?