Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Tighty Whiteys and Why I Enjoy Being a Girl

Sometimes I get a little behind on chores.

Like laundry.

As long as I have reasonably clean uniforms for the kids, socks & unders for the hubs and a clean sports bra for me, I'm usually good.

Never occurred to me that I would run out of panties. 

Wait -- I want all the boys to stop reading right now.  The Bitchy Waiter is funny today.  Go read him. 

Yes, you too Ed.  GO!


I have 10000 pairs of underwear.  Some are fun & lacy.  Some are thongs.  Some coordinate with a specific bra.  Most are comfy cotton briefs. 

Last night after my shower, I opened the panty drawer and. . . . . .chirp chirp chirp.

Nothing.  Not a thing. Not a thong.  No boyshorts, hipsters, g-strings or briefs. 

In normal circumstances, I would go without.  But it's fright week.  I need unders. 

I had NOTHING.  Just a giant pile of dirty laundry.  I would never wear dirty underwear.  Ok, I would.  I totally would.  But the laundry was especially dirty with wet towels and everything.  So I couldn't even find any not-too-dirty ones.

I had to borrow from Greg.  And Greg has 2 choices:  tighty whiteys or chonies.  Chonies weren't gonna do it for me because they wouldn't hold my . .. um . . products in place.  I figured if Kate Moss could wear T.W.s, I could too.  Because Kate & I are soooooo similar.

I knew boys were different from girls.  I had no idea HOW different. 

They have the whole keyhole thing goin' on.  Because they are too lazy to pull their pants down when they pee.  Know what else?  The leg holes on T.W.s are tight.  I mean -- no elastic.  WTF?  How can they wear these?  And there is about 8 inches of fabric between the legholes.  Their legs are NOT that far apart.  I know they need extra fabric to cover their extra parts, but I had NO IDEA that there was so much fabric down there.  Finally, the waistband?  Definately not designed for girls.  Well, maybe for Kate Moss.  But for girls with hips?  Nope.

So today, I am catching up on my laundry. 

Cotton briefs first. 



  1. Oh. My. Goodness. You have me trying not to laugh as loud as I want to so the kids upstairs will stay asleep.

    Also, you have piqued my curiosity. I have been washing and folding my DH's tighty-whities for years, and am suddenly curious enough to try them on. Hmmm....

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHHA! The visual of the crickets in your empty underwear drawer was AMAZING.

    There has to be a special club for women who've been reduced to wearing Tighty-Whiteys. Like the mile high club, but with TWs.

  3. Hahahaha! Oh, I have done the same exact thing, except my boyfriend wears boxer briefs.

    I'll tell you this, I do NOT know how these teenage boys today are stuffing all those yards of extra fabric down their skinny jeans. Holy crap, it was like wearing a diaper... but worse! A diaper that goes all the way down to your knees.


    Oh, and I totally wear dirty in emergency situations. I just flip em inside out and call it clean.


    Amazing post! This blog gets better and better.

  4. @Tamar -- The other thing I forgot to mention is they use really thick cotton. it's like wearing a towel.
    @Nicki - you realize if there was an actual cricket in there I would have screamed and stood on the bed until one of the males killed it.
    @ Lex - I know! so much extra fabric. And is it just me, or are boxer briefs WAYYYY sexier than TWs? Can't get Greg to wear them. He feels that they are too metro.

  5. Well it could have been worse, hubby could prefer thongs LOL!

    I've totally kyped men's underwear AND some childs large briefs/boxer briefs hand me down that don't fit my son yet but can't wear those since they about cut off the circulation in my thighs.

    But anyway from my vast experience, for borrowed underwear men's bikini briefs are the most comfy. Maybe Santa should bring hubby some in case of future emergencies ;)

  6. HA! Boy undies are a different breed for sure! Perhaps you can use the keyhole as easy access to those feminine products you need this week ;)

  7. Hilarious. I have no idea what else to say. *shakes head and smiles*


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