Tuesday, March 8, 2011

True Colors

I love red.

I wear it a lot.

I also wear a lot of black, camel and navy.

Red, Black, Camel & Navy are classics.  Audrey Hepburn wore these colors.  So did Jackie Kennedy and Coco Chanel. 

Stopping by my local Macy's the other day, I perused the business wear section.  I always start with the sale racks.  Know what's in the size 20 section at Macy's?

Yellow suits.

Green suits.

Pink suits.

PINK SUITS.  Shell pink.  Not Rose.  Not Magenta. Not even Carnation Pink.  Shell Pink.  Exactly the color of my skin.  I should say, exactly the color of the skin that has never been exposed to the sun.  Shell Pink sounds so much nicer than "Mary's Ass Pink", don't you agree? 

Were I to don one of these suits, I would appear to be naked.  And not a good naked, either.

Could I find anything in black?  No. 

Navy?  No.

Camel?  No.

Red?  No.  Oh wait -- here's something. 

It has sequins on it. 

Since I am not a Vegas performer, I rarely wear sequins to work.  I looked at the label half expecting it to be from the Liberace line.  Sequins.

I found suits with lots of embroidery.  Us plus size girls LOVE to look like couch cushions, lemme tell ya!  We also like clothes with anchors embroidered on them.  It makes us feel nautical. 

It's not that the suits weren't nice.  They would be lovely on a 70 year old African American woman headed to church. 

The problem is, I need something for a 45 year old Irish American woman headed to work.

I have purchased these suits before.

One year, I found a very conservative skirt suit.  The cut was good -- shawl collar and straight skirt.  The skirt was black, the jacket was. . .Kelly green.  With a black collar and cuffs.  It was about $30, which is a good price for a fully lined suit. 

So I bought it.

I wore it.

I felt like Janet Reno. 

I looked like Janet Reno (without the wash & wear hair).

I gave the suit to Goodwill.

Some designers do create attractive, classic plus size clothes.  Talbot's has a gorgeous plus size line.  So does Jones of New York.  The problem is, I have Talbot's taste and a Target budget.

So if you see  me tooling around in a pink suit?

Shaddap.  I got it on sale.

matching shoes & clutch.  Oh yeah.


  1. Did you try JC Penney's. They have a nice line of moderately priced business wear outfits for plus sizes.

  2. @Anon -- You really don't get me, do you?

  3. Okay, you crack me up. And scare me at the same time.
    Because the beauty of scrubs is that they are the same in size 0 as they are in size triple-extra-fat.
    I've taken issue with this. Just because I am a size 20-22, this does not mean that I want to wear elistic-waisted jeans and mauve sweatshirts w/ puppies or some crap embroidered on them. I'm thirty-fricken-4. Really.
    So now that I am working on this new degree, you're saying I am going to have the same problem. Or I can work to finish the degree AND get skinny in the same time frame. So I won't have to wear a yellow suit. Or sequins.

  4. I say grab yourself a giant hat and go for it!

    (kidding. Stop hitting me. KIDDING.)

  5. @Nicki - I love that look -- on drag queens.

    @Mommie A - you just gotta keep looking. I do find cute things, but I gotta sort thru a lot of yellow sequined frump clothes to find them.

  6. Whew! I had to read your post a second time. I thought you said you wear "camels."
    Those are some mean critters who bite and spit (a lot like my first wife).
    Thank goodness you meant the color.

  7. I'm guy. Here's what we notice.

    A) You have clothes on.
    B) You don't (or you have "fun" clothes on)

    Why must you girls complicate everything ?

  8. OK, I'll be blasted for this by some but I do lots of shopping in Thrift stores. Go to a thrift store in a "good" neighborhood because They have the best selection. I get really nice suits like Kasper or Jones of NY for about $15-25. I make it a point to go on Mondays (25%off day) when it's even cheaper. Until recently I was wearing size 18 and there were plenty of nice suits in sizes that were way too big on me. Some of the stuff I see still has original price tags. I don't know if it means that people with money buy & never wear or if the stores are giving it for a tax deduction.

    The price tag is not an assurance of quality. I hate salespeople who say, "aren't you worth it?". Yes, I'm worth it, but your clothes aren't & I'm too polite to tell you, it's ugly & badly made.

  9. @Scout26 -- did I marry you? You sound so familiar!

    @Sylvia -- you? are awesome. And so right!


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