Tight Spot

When I was little, my mom dressed me up for the holidays in a Christmas (or Easter) dress, white tights and black Mary Janes. Occasionally, she would try to clip a bow in my baby-fine pixie cut hair.

I didn’t mind the dress so much, it was the tights I hated.

They bagged. And sagged. And the crotch usually lurked around my knees.

This season, tights are in style.

Textured tights! Colored tights! Patterned tights!

They are so cute I want to buy a pair in every style color and texture.

I have been wearing my tights with my boots. So cute! So wintery! So warm!

Yesterday, I wore my boots with pants. Also cute, wintery and warm.  I love my boots.  For one thing, they come to my knees.  Anyone over a size 12 knows how hard it is to find knee boots that actually fit over your calves.  I love my boots.  Plus, they look awesome with tights.

But I wore boots yesterday.  I didn’t wanna wear 'em again today.

So in my mind, I planned my outfit:

Black turtleneck, black skirt, black patterned tights & ropy pearl accessories.

But instead of wearing my boots, I would wear my grey herringbone mary janes.

How chic! How Vogue! How classic!

In my mind, I resembled a Talbots ad.

About 10 am, I realized that my boots had pilled the tights. So they looked fine from my hem to my knee, but the knee down looked as if I had waded through Styrofoam.

About 11 am, the ankles were sagging.

By 3pm, the crotch started creeping towards my knees.

In my mind I just stepped out of Talbots.

In reality, I looked more like “Real People of Walmart.”



My Mind's Eye



Closer to the truth

My Intervention

After a killer-owie Leadership Workout on Saturday, a couple of fellow sufferers joined me for breakfast.

We spent much of the time gloating about how well we did on our stats that morning.  Victor did a mid-challenge weigh in.  As a group we lost over 50 lbs!  That's as much as last year's group did FOR THE WHOLE CHALLENGE! 

We're a little excited about it.

Excited enough to go to breakfast.

Not excited enough to get french toast though.  My breakfast had spinach in it.  Yeah.  I still wanna win.

One of my companions complimented me on my journey.  She also gave to to me straight.

"You have to get rid of the skort". 

The other girls nodded silently in agreement. 

"But I love my skort!  I can exercise without looking as if I've peed my pants!"

"I know", she said gently.  "I know you like it.  But it doesn't look good on you.  It's time to let it go."

I wanted to scream and cry and tell her she was wrong! wrong! wrong! wrong!  There is nothing wrong with the skort!  I can put it away anytime I want to.

But in my heart, I knew she was right.

The skort was a crutch.

How can I criticise other people's unfortunate fashion choices if I am going to continue to wear the skort? 

I would be living a lie.

Thanks to my good friends Mary, Rachel & Megan, I got the courage I needed to put the skorts -- all three of them -- in the Goodwill bag.

Goodbye dear friend!  *Sniff!*

And thank you!

The skort saw me through tire tosses



Suicides.  And burpees.



70's day

I'll never forget the day we danced

True Colors

I love red.

I wear it a lot.

I also wear a lot of black, camel and navy.

Red, Black, Camel & Navy are classics.  Audrey Hepburn wore these colors.  So did Jackie Kennedy and Coco Chanel. 

Stopping by my local Macy's the other day, I perused the business wear section.  I always start with the sale racks.  Know what's in the size 20 section at Macy's?

Yellow suits.

Green suits.

Pink suits.

PINK SUITS.  Shell pink.  Not Rose.  Not Magenta. Not even Carnation Pink.  Shell Pink.  Exactly the color of my skin.  I should say, exactly the color of the skin that has never been exposed to the sun.  Shell Pink sounds so much nicer than "Mary's Ass Pink", don't you agree? 

Were I to don one of these suits, I would appear to be naked.  And not a good naked, either.

Could I find anything in black?  No. 

Navy?  No.

Camel?  No.

Red?  No.  Oh wait -- here's something. 

It has sequins on it. 

Since I am not a Vegas performer, I rarely wear sequins to work.  I looked at the label half expecting it to be from the Liberace line.  Sequins.

I found suits with lots of embroidery.  Us plus size girls LOVE to look like couch cushions, lemme tell ya!  We also like clothes with anchors embroidered on them.  It makes us feel nautical. 

It's not that the suits weren't nice.  They would be lovely on a 70 year old African American woman headed to church. 

The problem is, I need something for a 45 year old Irish American woman headed to work.

I have purchased these suits before.

One year, I found a very conservative skirt suit.  The cut was good -- shawl collar and straight skirt.  The skirt was black, the jacket was. . .Kelly green.  With a black collar and cuffs.  It was about $30, which is a good price for a fully lined suit. 

So I bought it.

I wore it.

I felt like Janet Reno. 

I looked like Janet Reno (without the wash & wear hair).

I gave the suit to Goodwill.

Some designers do create attractive, classic plus size clothes.  Talbot's has a gorgeous plus size line.  So does Jones of New York.  The problem is, I have Talbot's taste and a Target budget.

So if you see  me tooling around in a pink suit?

Shaddap.  I got it on sale.

matching shoes & clutch.  Oh yeah.

Clothes Crisis

The good news is, my clothes are getting way too big.

The bad news is, my clothes are getting way too big.

So I have nothing to wear.

It's no biggie around the house - sweats are sweats.  The biggest problem is at work.  I am in management.  I am in Corporate Services, which means I am expected to get out in front of the community.

One of the gifts of fat is that when I walk into a room, everyone notices me.  I want them to say "Wow -- look at that confident, chic, beautiful woman" not "Geez lady, you look like an unmade bed". 

When your clothes don't fit -- whether they are too large or too small -- you lack polish.  Nothing says "I am not worthy" like someone who won't buy cute clothes until they reach a size 10.  I am finding that it also works the other way around.  Nothing says "Yes. I've dropped a few dress sizes but I am not sure how long I can keep this up" like walking around in baggy clothes. 

So. . . .I will go shopping.  With my birthday and Christmas money.  Hint hint.  Until then, I am wearing the same 3 pieces over and over and over and over.  And over. 

Don't forget to leave your Christmas/Hanukkah/Diwali/Eid/Halloween . .. etc memory here!

It's Fall!

More accurately, it's Autumn.

I love Autumn.

Even here where it tends to be steamy.

Plus my favorite color is Orange.

So the Blog gets a new look.

Hope you like it!

Took 'Em Back. . .

I did it.

I took the cute clothes back.

Greg was cool about it -- he didn't MAKE me take them back.  But I felt like such a hypocrite. 

That is an icky, icky feeling.

And how would I feel if he spent a lot of money on an unbudgeted item?

Pissed.  Really really pissed.

For all you "keep them, you earned them" folks out there -- thank you for your validation.  All is not lost. 

I will get them next month.

Because I am putting them in the budget!

Mea Culpa

Who is the one always harping about paying cash and staying within your budget?

Me.

Who is the one who does almost everything Dave Ramsey says?

Me.  (Except the private school thing.)

Who is scared to go home and tell her husband that she impulse shopped?

Me.

I budgeted for new workout clothes, because I really do need them.  So I bought them last week.  I also bought a long tweed skirt, a pair of boots and a handbag. 

They weren't budgeted.

I need to take them back.

I haven't yet. 

Then today.

I can't believe what I did today.

I am so embarrassed.

My friend, who works at Talbot's, texted me.  She said she had a 20% off deal for me.  So I went.  Just to look.  Not to buy.

I love Talbot's clothes.  Classic, preppy and very high quality.  And when on sale, they can be a good deal. 

I tried on a black silk turtleneck.  Because I don't have one, and really?  A black turtleneck is a staple that you can wear for years. 

The turtleneck looked sooooooooooo good on me. 

So did the black twinset.

And so when she offered to special order the red cable knit turtleneck for me, how could I refuse?  I need a red cable knit turtleneck.  I do!

Plus, she gave me a 10% discount PLUS the 20% discount.  That's like . . .30% off!

With 30% off, the bill was only $180.00.  For four things (well, five - the twinset is two things). 

I don't know which I dread more: telling Greg what I did, or having to face Kelly when I return everything.

Sigh.

Dave Ramsey have mercy on me!

Old Crush, New Crush

I admit it. I have had this crush since high school.

And you would think after all these years, I would be over it.

I thought I was.

I looked fondly back on that time as iconic 80's. My defining moments. But it was my past, you know?

Until this:




Molly Ringwald wrote a BOOK!

Not just any book either. Not a book about what it was really like to kiss Jake Ryan (I know it must have been amazing). Not a book about where Anthony Michael Hall is these days (not sure I really want to know).

This book is about fashion. And friendships. And makeup. And food. Lots and lots of talk about food.

Molly Ringwald is a girlfriend! She is smart! Funny! Well read! REAL! I am SO excited!

If you had a big girl crush on Molly in the 80's (and if you were in high school in the 80's how can you not have a girl crush on Molly??); then you will love this book.

It is no coincidence that my "girl" names when I was preggers included Molly and Claire.

I pink puffy heart Molly Ringwald now more than ever.

This story is also true. ..

Everyone liked the story about Paul pulling my pants down at mass so much, that I thought I would share another (true) wardrobe story with you.

One morning, as I was getting ready for the day, my collar was kinda wonky. So I asked Greg to straighten it for me.

Then I loaded the kiddos in the car & drove to their School. (Which, incidentally, happens to be at the same church where I mooned everyone).

My younger boy had to be walked to class, which is all the way in the back of the school.

I love that school. I have so many mom friends there.

As we were walking in, I saw Melissa. I had to stop & chat with her for a sec. Then I saw Cyndi. Had to talk to her. Monica came by to say hi and we chatted for a sec. Then I had to pop in to tell the Principal something. Olivia caught me on the way out of the Principal's office to give me the t-shirt that I paid for but hadn't picked up. Mary & her husband Terry were in the hallway -- they had just returned from Chicago and of course I HAD to know if they got to Portillos for an Italian Beef.

I ran into Sister in front of her classroom -- you are not allowed to walk by a nun without stopping to say hello.

Finally, my little one and I get to his classroom.

I put his lunch away, bend over to kiss him and start to leave.

I see Erika walking in with her little guy. I say "Hey girl!"

She says "Hi! Why is your blouse inside out?"

No wonder my collar was wonky.



When I asked my husband why he didn't tell me -- because he FIXED MY COLLAR, how could he not notice? -- he said "well I don't know anything about women's fashion."

Fashion? Are you kidding me? Do you really think that the in look for all of us plus size middle aged moms is wrong-side-out clothes? Cause we're making a statement, yo.

I'm going to go update my closet right now!