Remember how when you were a kid & your mom tried to relate to you and you got super embarrassed because she did it in front of your cooler-than-you friend?
Like the time in 6th grade when I was wearing shorts -- complete with contrasting trim thankyou1978!!!! -- and my mom told me they were too short because my balls were hanging out. She said balls about 10 times. With emphasis.
"You don't want everyone to see your balls. I mean do you see anyone else's balls hanging out? You need to put on a pair of shorts that doesn't show the world your balls."
Umm, mom? Balls are testicles. I don't have those. I think you mean "buns".
Or the time I was in high school and mom told us about a drug bust she reported on that week. (Mom worked for the Naperville Sun for many years. She really is cool, despite what I am recounting here).
Mom told my friend and I that the perp was caught red-handed with several kilos of marijuana and cocaine.
"You know," she said offhandedly, "Grass and Powder?"
Thanks for translating for me mom. I shoulda corrected her: "Mooooooom. You mean BLOW, not powder. Jeezes." (I didn't think of it. I was too mortified.)
Once, in the mid 80's, I was visiting my friend Deenie. Her dad came in the kitchen and said "Eeewww. There's something grody in the sink!"
Her perky mom came chirping in. "Is there something grody to the max?"
It was nice to know that I'm not the only one.
I am a mom now. My oldest is 9 already. Prime embarrassing age.
Quick -- someone give me a hip, trendy phrase that I can screw up in public.