Saturday, September 18, 2010

Trying to B Cool. . .

Remember how when you were a kid & your mom tried to relate to you and you got super embarrassed because she did it in front of your cooler-than-you friend?

Like the time in 6th grade when I was wearing shorts -- complete with contrasting trim thankyou1978!!!! -- and my mom told me they were too short because my balls were hanging out.  She said balls about 10 times.  With emphasis.

"You don't want everyone to see your balls.  I mean do you see anyone else's balls hanging out?  You need to put on a pair of shorts that doesn't show the world your balls."

Umm, mom?  Balls are testicles.  I don't have those.  I think you mean "buns".

Or the time I was in high school and mom told us about a drug bust she reported on that week.  (Mom worked for the Naperville Sun for many years.  She really is cool, despite what I am recounting here).

Mom told my friend and I that the perp was caught red-handed with several kilos of marijuana and cocaine. 

"You know," she said offhandedly, "Grass and Powder?"

Thanks for translating for me mom.  I shoulda corrected her:  "Mooooooom. You mean BLOW, not powder.  Jeezes."   (I didn't think of it.  I was too mortified.)

Once, in the mid 80's, I was visiting my friend Deenie.  Her dad came in the kitchen and said "Eeewww. There's something grody in the sink!"

Her perky mom came chirping in.  "Is there something grody to the max?"

It was nice to know that I'm not the only one.

I am a mom now.  My oldest is 9 already.  Prime embarrassing age.

Quick -- someone give me a hip, trendy phrase that I can screw up in public. 


  1. My dad would always embarrass my friends. Like every time he would go in the bathroom after them, he had to make a loud joke about how bad it was smelling in there.

  2. Justin Beaver!
    Middle School Musical!
    Miley Cypress!
    Say "Lolz" and "whatevz" in EVERY SENTENCE.

    (This has pretty much exhausted my knowledge of What The Kids Are Into These Days)

  3. I used to embarrass my son when we'd eat out and he'd comment on if the waitress was cute. I'd go out of my way to introduce them to each other.

  4. @Nicki -- oh yes. . ..will use ALL!

  5. Just be like my mom.. sing Eminem and Katy Perry in public.. I LOVE YOU, MOM.

  6. My dad was a huge Cyndi Lauper fan and his absolute favorite song was "Girls just want to have fun" I was about 12 or 13 at the time and we carpooled with the neighbors. One of whom was a really cute guy who was a grade ahead of me. Whenever that song came on, he'd put the radio on full blast and sing along. I was just absolutely mortified!! Now when I hear that song, I just have to smile.

  7. Dave Liddy, scout26 at sbcglobal dot netSeptember 21, 2010 at 11:33 PM

    I offer to give my daughter a hug in front of her friends.

    Use words current words like "Ginormous" or "hip" words from when we were that age. Especially inappropriately.

    Mary Ann and I lived Germany for 4 years. You live in a foreign country long enough and start to add the local language to your vocabulary. We still drop in a German word or phrase every now and then because, well it works better. This embarrasses the daughter. My 9 year old son (and his friends) thinks it's cool.

    When hauling them and their friends around eavesdrop; and add your own comments:
    "That kid, really ?? He's a major dweeb !"

  8. @David -- I can SO see you doing that!


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